Joe Harker
They may not see you when you're sleeping, but they know when you're awake and they definitely know if you've been bad or good.
That's right, Pornhub have released their 2022 year in review, and they dedicated a whole section to what goes on in their neck of the woods during Christmas.
It turns out quite a lot of the site's most loyal users are a little bit too busy over the festive period to make use of the site's... services.
Pornhub's statisticians (imagine what you'd tell people when they asked what you did for a living) have crunched the numbers and they found that loads of fans of the site switch off during Christmas.
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In fact, traffic on Pornhub dropped by almost a third on Christmas Eve last year, plummeting by 32 percent as everyone was surely too scared about getting put on Santa's naughty list right at the last second to engage in a spot of holiday solitude.
However, there was a pretty big bounce back on Christmas Day itself as traffic was only down by about 15 percent, meaning many of the users who stayed away on Christmas Eve were back the very next day to take a peek inside some stockings.
Then again, Christmas Eve is a blur of activity where everything's got to be made ready for the big day and there's loads of last minute present shopping to do, while there's always a bit of a lull in Christmas Day where people are at a loose end and can slip off for a bit of alone time.
However, it seems as though the really big event which gets people off Pornhub is New Year's Eve, as the site found they'd had a 40 percent drop in traffic in the final six hours of 2021.
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That's pretty understandable considering people usually spend that time going to parties to usher in the coming year.
Different countries had measurably different habits during Christmas, with France and Belgium in particular ditching Pornhub over the festive season.
Site traffic from those two countries dropped by around half over the holidays, whereas in the US only about a quarter of users stayed away.
Brits were less enthusiastic than most other nations about putting down the porn and picking up a mince pie on Christmas Eve, with just a 19 percent drop in traffic, but beat the average on Christmas Day by driving traffic down by 23 percent.
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By the way, Pornhub's statisticians get through an absolutely staggering amount of data to work out all of this stuff, and they know the most popular things people are searching for to boot.
They also know what those people who still go onto the site during Christmas are searching for, and it turns out you guys are really interested in the jolly fat man with a sack full of gifts.
Searches for Santa Claus were up by 374 percent during the last festive season, but it's his ho-ho-ho (I'm so sorry) people on the internet were really interested in.
Last Christmas searches for Santas missus were very popular on Pornhub, with the search term 'Mrs Claus' shooting up by 401 percent.
Well, whatever gets you though the holidays.