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Samson be damned. Hippies, go home. Move over, Brian May. It's baldy's time.
A new study has revealed that the world's historic favouritism of men with long, lustrous locks is well and truly over, heralding in a new age of shiny-headed wonder.
The study, taken at the University of Pennsylvania, has discovered that when it comes to hair, these days less is more. Better yet, none is best. Yes, yes, we all know that long hair can be attractive, but come on...
Beautiful scenes. Utterly, beautiful scenes.
Participants in the study (male and female) were asked to assess (or rate) pictures of men according to their attractiveness, confidence and dominance, sort of like a retro version of Tinder if you will, without the swiping left or right element, or disappointing Boost results every month.
In each category, bald men came out the calvous, baldy winners, with shaven-headedness being viewed as appealing because the chaps had gone against the grain when it came to traditional norms associated with attractiveness and hair.
Samuel L Jackson, bald and badass in the Star Wars films we don't talk about. Credit: 20th Century Fox/Lucasfilm
Hair has been seen as very attractive since the time of Samson and Delilah, and its popularity was cemented in western culture with the release of Hair, the 1969 Grammy award-winning musical. It wasn't until the early 90s that Homer Simpson's near-baldness was credited with 'normalising' baldness, despite his fictionality.
The study reported that choosing "to dispense with one's hair is arguably a form of nonverbal behaviour, a form of expression which communicates information about the self otherwise difficult to observe."
Gene Hackman displays Lex Luthor's natty baldness. Credit: Warner Bros./DC Comics
It also concluded that men will do better 'economically in negotiations', a theory which is backed up by the success of bald man Lex Luthor. Though evil and Superman's nemesis, he was an incredibly successful businessman, despite his fictionality.
The newly de rigeur bald look may explain why skinheads are often seen as a little terrifying (though their other views/shenanigans might have a bigger part to play when it comes to certain skinheads) and why we always think of the shaven-headed footballer as hard as nails, like Martin Skrtel, the former Liverpool man and now Fenerbahçe enforcer.
The findings are good for men who might be thinking of investing in expensive hair plugs or cheap combovers like Wayne Rooney and Bobby Charlton respectively; with the study also argues that, "instead of spending billions each year trying to reverse or cure their hair loss, the counter-intuitive prescription of this research to men experiencing male pattern baldness is to shave their heads."
Patrick Stewart as superpowered bald legend Professor X. Credit: 20th Century Fox/Marvel Comics
Here is a list of my favourite bald men from history, despite their fictionality.
Words: Ronan O'Shea
Featured Image Credit: 20th Century Fox
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