Women say common question asked in bedroom by men is instant ‘mood killer’
Thinking about engaging in some dirty talk next time you're getting busy in the bedroom?
If so, you might want to make sure you leave this one question out of your lingo, as it can be a massive 'mood killer' for a partner to hear.
But what question could possibly be such a turn-off when you're getting hot and heavy? "I forgot to pay last month's gas bill." "What do you fancy for dinner?" or "Hasn't the weather been lovely recently?"
According to a study from sex education site OMGYES, the ‘lose-lose’ question is asking your partner, ‘Are you close?’ or 'Are you going to come soon?'
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This is because it takes a partner out of the moment and puts pressure on them to climax.
"Whilst it might not be intentional, asking “are you close” can tend to introduce pressure at the wrong moment," sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight told Metro.
"Instead of allowing someone to stay immersed in connection, it shifts their focus to performance and timing."
Because there's nothing less arousing than feeling like a moment of shared passion with your partner is being monitored and judged like an exam.
"For many women, arousal builds gradually and needs a sense of safety and space, so being asked if they’re 'close' can feel like they’re being hurried along rather than supported in their own rhythm," she continued.
"Some women might start overthinking, lose momentum or feel pressured enough that they disengage.
"It may even lead to faking an orgasm, simply to relieve that pressure."
Still don't believe us? Then it might be worthwhile reading some of the responses from the women surveyed.
"The number one orgasm-killer for me is the question, 'Are you going to come soon?' because then my thoughts take over like — 'Am I taking too long?', 'Are they bored?' and those thoughts totally distract me, and the orgasm goes away," read one response, while another woman likened it to feeling guilty while getting a back massage from a friend.
"You know how when you get a back massage from a friend, it feels nice but then after a little while you start thinking, 'Are their hands tired?' 'Should I say thanks now?' And during that time, you’re not really feeling the pleasure of the massage," the woman, referred to as Diana, explained.
"That’s what happens for me and orgasms. Until I had a lover that was so enthusiastic about pleasing me that I knew she wasn’t getting tired or wishing it was over."
Perhaps some advice to take on board if you want an overall improved experience between the sheets.
The worst things to say to a partner during sexual intercourse
"Are you close?" isn't the only mood killer to be wary of, as a group of sex therapists previously came together to inform VICE of the biggest no-nos in the bedroom.
Questions about how close a partner is to finishing of course tops the list, but you might also want to steer clear of asking a lover why they're breathing so heavily, whether or not it's their first time in the sack or questioning why they're sweating.
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Brenna Cooper