A man who escaped the toxic online world of the 'manosphere' has revealed how one video caused everything he believed to 'fall apart'.
Louis Theroux's most recent Netflix documentary has been the talk of the town in recent weeks after the journalist visited a group of online influencers and content creators to try and forge a better understanding of what encouraged their misogynistic, anti-semitic and homophobic views.
The likes of HSTikkyTokky, Justin Waller, Myron Gaines and Sneako are now all better known to the general public thanks to the documentary but members of the manosphere will be extremely familiar with their content, which also focuses on misinformation and making money.
Speaking to LADbible, Thomas* (not his real name), explained how he managed to break free from this destructive and dangerous world, and the impact it still has on his life today.
How do you get stuck in the manosphere?
For Thomas and many others, the enjoyment of comedic-style videos which focused on 'anti-woke' content soon sent them down the rabbit hole of more misogynistic views and controversial creators.
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He explains: "I think it wasn’t so much being driven to it, it was more laziness I think, a cheap laugh at someone else’s expense, these videos were very funny to someone who didn’t understand or have any lived experience of being a woman or being queer or any sort of marginalised group.
"And then when it got into deeper political things it offered easy solutions that felt good. I absolutely was a disillusioned young man, angry because I felt I couldn’t ‘be a man’ anymore, that that was a bad thing and the ‘left’ were trying to oppress men.
"I was also very uncomfortable with my own sexuality at that point, being closeted and also just a bit of a loser when it comes to women and relationships, all stuff that makes it easy to think that the world is against you and the ‘left’ is stopping you from getting a girlfriend as opposed to just dressing better and washing more."
How do you escape the manosphere?
While having female friends and positive male role models in your life can play a crucial part in helping you to stop seeing women as an object, in Thomas' case it was one video which saw him start to question his beliefs.
It was around 2020 when videos were circling of George Floyd's murder, after policeman Derek Chauvin knelt on his neck for nearly 10 minutes as part of an arrest.
Thomas found himself watching videos from his favourite creators, many of whom were insisting that the death was Floyd's fault, despite video evidence suggesting otherwise.
He says: "After that, everything kind of started to fall apart, you start to see their intentions and see blatant logical fallacies or truth manipulation tactics.
"As well with the pandemic stuff, all the anti-vaxxing and anti-masking was just too much for me and it became clear that this was all a bit stupid and a grift."
Fortunately, the friends that Thomas was able to make at university also played their part in opening his eyes, as he met people from different backgrounds and walks of life, while his attendance at an all-boys school had also limited contact with the opposite gender.
He adds: "I am also always incredibly grateful for the friends I made when I moved to university, I grew up very culturally and socially closeted, I didn’t really know anyone outside of my socio-economic bubble so meeting so many new people from so many different backgrounds at university opened my eyes a lot and I’m so happy I chose to listen than to speak.
"I would absolutely recommend getting some honest and patient friends from other walks of life to people who are in the manosphere."
How should we treat people in the manosphere?
This patience with others who might be experiencing the same thing is something Thomas is keen to stress when addressing someone who might find themselves stuck in a toxic online world.
While he stressed that women and queer people are still those who suffer most from the manosphere, it's also important to treat people in it with compassion rather than disgust.
He tells us: "I have always been an advocate of treating men in the alt-right pipeline/manosphere with compassion. They are vulnerable and struggling and will only be more entrenched in their views if they feel people turning against them and targeting them, because their entire philosophy to begin with is based around men being oppressed and put down."
How does the manosphere still impact him?
Although Thomas has since adopted a far more left-leaning liberal approach in his life, there are still moments from his past that haunt him, particularly when it comes to the treatment of his sister.
"I think primarily my relationship with my sister has suffered which makes me very sad a lot of the time," he admits.
"I’m working on it, but I think I was deliberately very mean to her for a long time, and I have to take responsibility for that. I know I was also very unkind to a lot of people who didn’t deserve it when I was younger and that guilt will stay with me for the rest of my life. I also had a very long road to finding out what type of man I was, my most formative years were spent in that world, and coming out of it I had a massive whole where my identity was meant to be and it was very difficult to fill that."
What warning would you have for others?
Although the creators might have have been different, the messages of misogyny and misinformation have remained the same, and Thomas also shed some light on how the influencers of today are similar to the ones he used to watch.
Thomas said: "I would say that I was sucked in by similar figures in the way that it was about a cult of personality, you were drawn to these people for their charisma. The ability of the people that sucked me in to win a debate or to make an intelligent joke feels very similar to how these manosphere influencers draw people in with their ability to pick up women, or lift weights, or earn money.
"I think at the core of it they all operate the same way, they know that they are preying on vulnerable and insecure men, who have been left behind by the economy or the culture and don’t know how to process this."
Topics: Louis Theroux, Social Media, HSTikkyTokky
James Moorhouse