Woman who spent 8 years working in palliative care reveals the 5 regrets people have when they die
A former palliative care nurse has shared some of the most common deathbed regrets that people told her over her eight years in the job.
Bronnie Ware worked in palliative care, where she would look after people who were coming to the end of their lives, and has now written a book about her experiences in the job which touches on the regrets that people had, maybe so that others can avoid those ones.
She appeared on the Chris Evans Breakfast Show, where she opened up about how she got into palliative care in the first place.
"I was looking for work that didn't involve high heels and corporate uniforms," she said, "so I took a job as a live-in carer and that patient actually ended up being terminally ill."
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Bronnie said that this 'opened the door to eight years of looking after dying people', during which time she started to notice themes and patterns in people's regrets.
"I kept seeing or hearing these repeated themes come up over the years," she said, "and I started paying attention because I thought I'm witnessing some pretty huge anguish and heartache here. I don't want to go down the same road."
Over the years there was a lot of variety, but a lot of the regrets she encountered could be put into five broader categories.
"There turned out to be five main themes, they came from different angles and in different wording sometimes, but they were still five main themes" she said.
One patient in particular had left her thinking very hard about her life, who stayed in an unhappy marriage and hadn't been able to go travelling.
She finally booked tickets to Australia after her husband went into a care home, only to be diagnosed with lung cancer.
"She said to me, whatever you do Bronnie, promise this dying woman that you will always have the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life that other people expect of you," Bronnie recalled.
"It just hit home. I was trying to change direction and go against my family's expectations... witnessing the depth of that anguish, I needed to find the courage to do this for myself.
"There's no way I'm going to end up experiencing this anguish and heartache myself. This is a lesson here."
But it wasn't all doom and gloom, Bronnie said, as what it had also realised is that we make assumptions that once we reach a certain point in our lives, or a certain age, then we can no longer pursue our dreams or try new things.
Bronnie made clear that this is absolutely not true.
"People take on so many responsibilities and think it's too late to actually have a go and change direction in midlife," she said, "but it's it's only too late if you're on your deathbed."
The five most common deathbed regrets
- "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
- "I wish I hadn't worked so hard."
- "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."
- "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."
- "I wish that I had let myself be happier."
Kit Roberts