Cocaine Dealers Report Record Sales After England Win Against Colombia Yesterday
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England won their match after a penalty shootout, and it turns out that a lot of people must have taken today off because as soon as Eric Dier's penalty crossed the line, a lot of fans' minds seem to have turned to lines of their own.
Speaking with the Metro, two drug dealers - who for obvious reasons aren't named - said that their phones have been ringing off the hook since the win.
One dealer, an Albanian living in London, told them: "My phone was ringing non-stop after the penalty shootout, there were people out on the streets so I guessed England had won.
"Business is pretty regular even on Tuesday nights in London but I have never known so many calls in such a short time, especially as it was so quiet during extra time.
"Then everyone who picked up from me talked about the England game. I am Albanian, but I am happy England wins, everyone seems so happy."
Another dealer, who is active in Birmingham, told the newspaper: "'When it was the penalty shootout I turned the phone off and watched the fucker myself. No way I was going to miss the shootout. The second I turned my phone back on it rang, and kept on ringing.
"It was like everyone had the same thought as soon as England won: let's keep the buzz going. People were shouting down phone, 'bugle for the Three Lions' and 'get me Kane'd' and other shite, but I have never had a Tuesday night like tonight."
Bloody hell. OK, it's not every day that England reach the quarter finals of a major tournament, but still. It was a Tuesday night, guys.
Not that you should be doing cocaine anyway. What would your mother say?
Never mind her, drugs charity Frank also think that you should reconsider.
A spokesperson said: "It can make you feel on top of the world, very confident, alert and awake, but some people can get over-confident, arrogant and aggressive and end up taking very careless risks.
"When the effects start to wear off, people experience a long 'comedown', when they feel depressed and run down. This crash can happen for days afterwards."
Despite this, it could possibly be another record breaking day for some illegal substance dealers this coming Saturday.
The weather is supposed to be good, it's the weekend, and England could reach a World Cup semi-final if they get past Sweden in Samara.
Take it steady, folks.