US Army Veteran waits until death to reveal lifelong 'secret' in emotional obituary
A US Army Veteran waited until death before revealing his lifelong 'secret' in an obituary.
Colonel Edward Thomas Ryan was a decorated solider in the US military, serving in the Vietnam War as well as establishing Albany radio station WHRL-FM and working as a fireman in Rensselaer, New York.
Despite an eventful life, the 85-year-old kept one secret until he died, deciding to reveal his full identity to the world only after passing away.
Sharing deathbed secrets is not something which is uncommon, as there's numerous stories of individuals revealing secret double lives or admitting to crimes in their final moments.
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However for Col. Ryan, his obituary has gone viral after he revealed he'd lived as a gay man in secret throughout his whole life due to fears of being 'ostracised'.
"I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life," he wrote in the obituary, which can be read in full on Legacy.com.
Ryan also went on to reveal the identity of his lifelong partner, a man named Paul Cavagnaro, calling him 'the love of my life'.
"I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I'll be buried next to Paul."
Ryan went on to pen a tearjerking apology for not revealing his sexuality openly, stating that it was a fear of homophobic backlash which kept him from sharing it openly with the world.
"I'm sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracised: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it," he added.
"Now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace."
Although Ryan's exact date of birth was not confirmed in the obituary, his age means that he was either born in 1938 or 1939.
It's worth noting that public opinion on same-sex relationships in the US only began to change in the 1980s, while gay and lesbian people were only allowed to begin serving in the US military from 1993 as long as they didn't disclose their sexuality.
This was later repealed in 2011, finally allowing gay, lesbian, and bisexual people to serve openly. This means that during Ryan's career, he would have been discharged from the military should he have revealed his sexuality.
Ryan's words and the fact that he felt forced to hide a huge part of his identity had a huge impact on readers, with several people penning emotional messages to the late solider and his family.
"My condolences to the family. My respect to you Col. Ryan you served our country for my freedom, I am so sorry you did not get to feel that freedom for yourself. I will think of you has a hero. You and Paul fly high, fly free," one person wrote.
"Sir, may you rest in pride, alongside Paul, in whatever afterlife there may be. I am sorry that the people you fought so hard to keep safe and protect failed to show you the same love, support, and respect," a second person added.
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, contact the LGBT Foundation on 0345 3 30 30 30, 10am–6pm Monday to Friday, or email [email protected]
Brenna Cooper