Psychologists explain key signs you need to break up with your partner
New year, new me... new partner?
With the new year arriving, people generally tend to reflect more and question if they're heading in the right direction.
For some, it's the idea of quitting their job and doing the thing they're actually passionate about - for others - it's 'is this person really right for me?'.
Lawyers consider 5 January as 'divorce day' due to the reported spike in divorce enquiries at the start of the year.
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In Britain, it's thought that around 42 percent of marriages end in divorce - and it's not just down to cheating.
According to relationship experts, there are certain things to look out for if you're feeling that yours is in the dumps and it's time to cut ties.
Micro-cheating
As reported by The Standard, breakup and divorce coach Sara Davison says micro-cheating is when you are 'building relationships with other people that are not physical'.
While that might not sound very harmful, she explains: “We might start to open up emotionally to other people — liking posts, or sliding into someone’s DMs or we might start opening up a bit more to somebody at work that you probably wouldn’t have done before.”
Davison believes this is 'a testing phase that we go through; and quite often, people don’t realise they’re doing it'.
Confiding in others when your relationship is on the ropes could be a way of mentally preparing you to lean on others if the worst were to happen.
“Quite often we find that when someone is going through a break up, they may have already put some sort of tentacles out to other people,” Davison said.
A reluctance to make plans or commitments (with your partner)
Psychotherapist Susanna Abse thinks that a reluctance to make plans with your partner, who perhaps wants to organise a trip with you, could mean that you're getting ready for the inevitable.
“You suddenly find yourself reluctant to make plans — your partner might start to suggest looking at dates for Easter holidays, and you feel resistant. You’re not consciously saying, ‘we’re not going on holiday because I’m not going to be with you’, but you feel unwilling to plan ahead and invest any money in the relationship,” Abse says.
You stop updating your partner on your ‘inner world’
One of the many beautiful things about having a partner is being able to share your wildest dreams or fears without the concern of being judged.
But the moment you stop doing that could signal warning signs.
Psychotherapist Amy Bojanowski-Bubb describes it as how you might, 'not tell your partner about your day in detail anymore: your worries, your small wins'.
"So, instead of wanting them to be the first person you share things with, you’re actually telling friends, colleagues, or even just keeping it to yourself. So that emotional intimacy, it’s kind of fading quietly, and you’re kind of distancing yourself," Bojanowski-Bubb adds.
You’re uninterested in sex (with your partner)
While it is perfectly normal to be less sexually active with your partner when you spend years and years together, a worrying sign is when 'you find yourself making excuses to avoid it'.
Psychotherapist Marianne Johnson says it's a 'disinterest in physical contact, the sort of visceral feeling that you don’t really want to have sex'.
You stop arguing
Although arguing has to be one of the worst things about a relationship, it's actually quite healthy, especially if you make up quickly.
It's a good way to get things off your chest to display what you're both actually thinking.
Joanna Harrison, a couple’s therapist, argues: “In a funny way, when couples have conflict… it's still a sign that they care about the relationship and about each other, because they may be arguing for things to be a certain kind of way between them. Feeling more indifferent, and like you can't even be bothered to engage with your partner might be a sign you've given up somewhere on the relationship.”
Topics: Dating trends, Sex and Relationships
Anish Vij