Most of us like to think we know where the line is when it comes to what’s appropriate and what’s not.
It’s glaringly obvious and uncomfortable for everyone. Maybe you even remember calling it out.
But what about less obvious displays of inappropriate behaviour? What about instances where you are unsure if something is crossing a line? Because the truth is, sometimes behaviours that feel normalised, or a “bit of banter” in everyday life, can actually cross real boundaries. This can lead to someone feeling uncomfortable, controlled and unsafe.
Why does behaviour matter?
Abuse can begin with small actions – behaviours which might seem minor as standalone events but can feel intrusive, controlling or intimidating to the person on the receiving end. These behaviours might seem “harmless”, but it’s important to recognise them for what they really are: abuse.
Persistently making unwanted contact
Sending someone messages over and over again, even after they’ve stopped replying, can lead to them feeling overwhelmed and pressured, and it’s not on.
Monitoring or restricting someone’s online activity
Checking your girlfriend's phone without permission, asking for passwords or trying to control what she does or has access to online is a form of control. We all deserve privacy, both offline and online.
Non-consensual intimate image abuse
If someone has shared a private or intimate image with you, sharing it without their consent is a serious violation of trust and privacy. Even just threatening to share it without their permission is a form of control.
Sending unsolicited nude images (cyberflashing)
Equally, sending someone unwanted nudes of yourself - dropping one into their DMs, on dating apps, or even over AirDrop is not ok. It can be shocking, intimidating and super uncomfortable for the person receiving it.
Standing too close or unwanted physical contact
Pressing up against someone or deliberately invading their personal space can feel threatening, especially when it’s on purpose.
Restricting time with family and friends
Time with family and friends is so important. Trying to control who someone sees or making them feel isolated from their support network is a red flag. Healthy relationships don’t involve limiting the other person’s independence.
Demanding to know someone’s whereabouts
Constantly wanting to know where someone is or who they’re with, or needing immediate replies doesn't show you care, it's controlling. Everyone has a right to their own space and autonomy.
Recognising the signs
If someone seems uncomfortable, pulls away, tells you they’re not interested, or sets any kind of boundary, that needs to be respected. What might feel harmless to one person might not for another. So, it’s important to take a second to think about how your actions might come across to another person.
The bigger picture
Violence against women and girls is a national emergency. One in eight women in England and Wales in the year ending March 2025 experienced domestic abuse, sexual assault or stalking. The better we are at knowing where the line is, the easier it will be to prevent this kind of abuse from taking place.
To learn more about the signs of abusive behaviour, visit the Enough campaign website and take the Crossing The Line quiz.
You can check it out here: https://enough.campaign.gov.uk/do-you-know-whats-crossing-line
Because the first step towards not crossing the line is knowing where it is.
Enough. End violence against women and girls.
Thomas Thorn