Skins star Hannah Murray shares complex reason she totally disappeared from Hollywood
In 2007, Hannah Murray found fame playing Cassie in Skins... a decade later, she was sectioned, months after joining a wellness cult.
Now 36, the retired actor has opened up about her journey in her book, The Make-Believe: A Memoir of Magic and Madness.
In the book, Murray, who played Gilly in Game of Thrones, details how she was first put into contact with the unnamed, spiritual group - which she refers to as 'the organisation' - after seeing an energy healer while filming historical drama Detroit in 2017.
After a 'magical' experience, Murray started attending classes organised by the group in London while also becoming increasingly unwell, culminating in her being sectioned in March 2017 after a psychotic episode.
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Murray writes candidly about her experience with the group and the ultimate breakdown of her mental health. The narrative breaks down as she approaches the day of her 'initiation' into the wellness group, an event which coincides with her being hospitalised under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act.
"I understand I am in hospital, that I have been sectioned. But I know really I am still the saviour of the universe," she writes, shortly after being admitted to a psychiatric unit for 28 days.
She details what are arguably the darkest moments of her life in harrowing detail, revealing that, at one point, she urinated into a cup and drank it, believing it would help her ascend to the position of 'Ritual Master' and walking through the corridors of the hospital naked.
Murray also reveals the moment she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, receiving the diagnosis after telling her psychiatrist about experiencing 'moments of euphoria' and 'deep dives into darkness and misery' throughout her life.
"There was a kind of immediate relief," she writes. "This could provide an explanation for many years of challenge, mental anguish, pain, confusion.
"I had always wanted to know what was wrong with me," she continues. "Now here was someone, calm and qualified in the field of psychiatric medicine, giving two words that might provide a clearly defined answer."
After being discharged from hospital, Murray was thrust back into work, attending premieres for Detroit and season seven of Game of Thrones. It's here that Murray reflects on how much her life had changed in the past year. "I had been a 26-year-old hedonist, full of a wild, reckless energy... Now I sat sadly at the after party, drinking a glass of water with a heavy head and heart."
Murray's recovery wasn't linear, with the 36-year-old revealing that she returned to the organisation to complete her initiation and take various courses before severing ties altogether.
"I shed the organisation in gradual layers, in a journey I find it hard to make sense of," she writes.
A starring role in 2018's Charlie Says, which tells the story of the women involved in Charles Manson's cult, would also help. It would be her last role, as Murray ultimately decided to walk away from the world of entertainment.
"The reasons I stopped acting are many, and they are complex, but a big part of it is that I could simply no longer give myself over with the same reckless abandon," she adds.
"It is a relief to be off the rollercoaster."
The Make-Believe: A Memoir of Magic and Madness is available now
If you're experiencing distressing thoughts and feelings, the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is there to support you. They're open from 5pm–midnight, 365 days a year. Their national number is 0800 58 58 58 and they also have a webchat service if you're not comfortable talking on the phone.
Topics: Books, Celebrity, Mental Health, Health
Brenna Cooper