Experts reveal 10 things you should never say to your partner if you want your relationship to survive

Picture the scenario, your relationship seems to be going great up until the moment you said that one thing.

You know, that really stupid thing you blurted out during an argument once which has grown like a horrible little weed at the heart of your relationship until it brings down everything around it in a catastrophic collapse.

Couples who know how to argue with each other are much more likely to stay together, while those who never argue or have really damaging arguments that can kill a relationship stone dead better get used to hopping back on Hinge.

So how do you know what you shouldn't say? Fortunately, experts in the matter have talked about it so you don't have to wonder.

Speaking to iNews, a group of couples counsellors shared a list of 10 things never to say to your other half.

"He said I was overreacting and now he's gone to sit by his shed until I'm 'ready to apologise'. He's got a long wait." (Getty Stock Image)

"You’re overreacting"

Bravo you dingus, for trying to draw boundaries around someone's response and telling them they're over the line.

According to chartered counselling psychologist and Counselling Directory member Jeanette Fegan, when you say 'you're overreacting' what you're really doing is telling someone their 'voice is not important'.

She said: "Instead of dismissive statements, adopt a curiosity as to why your partner said or did what they did, so you can better understand them and they you."

Fegan also pointed out that if you said something like 'you're overreacting as usual' that starts getting into gaslighting territory as you're now painting your partner as someone who often overreacts to things.

"You care about [something/someone] more than me"

What a hurtful thing to say, and according to life coach Lorena Bernal it can risk invalidating the love your partner has for you.

You don't get to decide how much another person cares for things in their life, nor set up some form of ranking about it.

The life coach said that if you're feeling neglected compared to some other aspect of your partner's life then you ought to let them know without playing 'the blame game'.

"You never listen, I'm doing the special hand thing and you won't even listen." (Getty Stock Image)

"You never listen"

If your partner never listened to you then you wouldn't even be in a relationship, would you?

Bernal described this as an 'inherently hyperbolic and inaccurate' statement, so by saying it you're already starting off on pretty indefensible ground.

Blaming someone like this is likely to make them defensive, instead of doing that, you might prefer asking to discuss it further so you can have a proper chat about what's bothering you.

"That’s not true - you’re being ridiculous"

There may come a time when your partner comes to you with something that actually is unfounded and they're suspicious of what's going on.

You might be of a mind to point out how wrong they are but it's more about convincing them than anything else, as relationship coach Heather Garbutt said that when it comes to something like this it's important to 'understand how the other person experiences the situation'.

Apparently, you need to get where they're coming from even if where they've ended up is completely wrong, so telling your partner they're being ridiculous isn't going to help much.

"I didn't realise everything I say and do is being committed to memory so you can use it against me." (Getty Stock Image)

"This is just like before, when you did..."

If you want to know how to argue properly where it's you two versus the problem instead of you against each other, bringing up past problems and conflicts is absolutely not what you should be doing.

It turns out that letting your partner know that whatever they say and do is being monitored and could be used against them is not a great way to communicate.

"It can make your partner feel as though they’re constantly under scrutiny and that past mistakes will never be truly forgiven, undermining trust and security within the relationship," Bernal explained.

"I told you so"

Never in the history of human interaction has telling someone 'told you so' made them like you more.

Seriously, despite the temptation to be a smarty-pants know-it-all don't actually say it.

Neuroscientist and human behaviour expert Eldin Hasa says telling your partner 'told you so' can help imply 'a sense of superiority and undermines your partner’s self-esteem'.

In turn that makes them stressed, and if you're the source of their stress they might not want to be around you for much longer.

"I just wanted someone I could vent about my problems to, was that so much to ask?" (Getty Stock Image)

"You’re such a [insulting name]"

Once you've said something like this it's very difficult to un-say it, insulting someone is pretty damn hostile and that's not what you want to go for if you want a relationship to survive.

Fegan said: "Essentially it is crucial to communicate your needs to your partner with empathy, and choose words where the person owns their feelings."

She added that it can create a relationship where you both 'feel unsafe and undervalued'.

"I don't want to hear about it"

According to Hasa if you shut down communication then it can lead to 'emotional distancing' in your relationship.

Just because you didn't hear about it doesn't mean you've sorted diddly squat, you're just stewing in your own ignorance while your partner came to you with something to say and got shut down.

"No babe, I only threatened to dump you to get what I wante- now I say this out loud this was a really stupid idea." (Getty Stock Image)

"Why can’t you be more like...?"

This is how you make your relationship into a competition with someone outside it and tell your partner they're losing in one short sentence.

If you want your other half to be more like someone else then they might wonder why you don't shack up with them instead if they're so damn perfect.

"They are likely to believe that they are not good enough. This will then likely result in people pleasing behaviour; they will try and do whatever the person wants to feel ‘good enough’," Fegan said, warning that while in the short term, this might get someone to do what you want in the long term it's liable to cause resentment.

"If you don’t do *this*, I’ll leave"

So you've put the end of your relationship on the table, you really shouldn't have done that.

Giving an ultimatum might sound like it accurately conveys how seriously you're taking something but suggesting you're considering leaving them is rather like taking a s**t on their table during Christmas Dinner, it's a big dramatic gesture but every interaction afterwards is going to be tainted in some way.

Fegan said this was a 'toxic' tactic which can drop your partner 'in a state of fear' where they feel they have to tread on eggshells around you or the relationship might be over.

Don't be surprised if threatening to end your relationship leads to exactly that outcome whether you wanted it to or not.