What couples need to understand about a 'bedroom divorce' several A-List celebrities have promoted

Earlier this week, Olivia Wilde went viral for her comments on the concept of a ‘bedroom divorce’.

The Invite star was speaking about relationships during an appearance on The Louis Theroux Podcast, as she said she thought it was ‘kind of sexy’.

It’s a practice other celebrities have opened up about doing too, with the likes of Kaley Cuoco and Cameron Diaz saying it’s helped their relationships.

Essentially a bedroom divorce is a conscious arrangement that sees couples sleep in separate beds or bedrooms.

And, according to relationship and sex therapist Georgina Vass, this practice can not only improve sleep but also improve sex life and intimacy. After all, having better rest can improve your mental health and energy, helping to boost libido.

But she told LADbible that there are a number of things couples need to understand and keep in mind before deciding to try out a bedroom divorce.

Wilde is 'intrigued' by the concept. (Brianna Bryson/WireImage)

A huge component Vass places stress on is communication, as she says a decision like this must be talked about.

“In the absence of any underlying medical issues, discussing a sleep divorce openly with your partner should be the first step,” the relationship expert explains.

“If you both willingly agree to proceed, then it may be helpful to collaborate to create a specific plan for how you’ll do it, how long you will experiment with doing it, and how you could both assess whether it went successfully.”

Plus, Vass points out that when no longer sharing a bed with a partner, some of the usual intimacy and connection may be lost. So, it’s ‘useful to identify’ how else you’ll achieve this.

“Date nights and/or micro-dates could be a good solution for that,” she adds.

For couples who still aren’t totally sure, Vass says it could be helpful to create ‘a pros and cons list’.

“Avoid unhelpful thinking styles like mind reading, making assumptions, or catastrophising, and try to maintain flexibility and curiosity,” she says.

“If the concept of a sleep divorce feels taboo or uncomfortable but you want to experiment with it, it may be helpful to frame this as another wellbeing activity like mindfulness, therapy, or exercise, that you do to improve your (relationship) and health.”

And importantly, Vass does also warn: “Finally, remember that it can be temporary, unlike an actual divorce.

“If conflict resolution and tension between you is still an issue, consider seeking support through a couples or family therapist.”

Overall, if it's done well, she reckons it can be helpful for couples: "It’s possible that it may improve their sex life and intimacy! Sleep is vital to promoting healthy sexual desire, in fact, research shows that women who had an extra hour of sleep reported higher levels of sexual desire."

Diaz is a fan. (Kristina Bumphrey/Variety via Getty Images)

Celebrities on the ‘bedroom divorce’

Wilde had been discussing the ‘assumption that women don't want as much sex as men’ when Theroux brought up the concept.

And after he explained it to her, the director said: “I don't know, I think that's kind of sexy. I'm intrigued by that. You could, you could invite her over in a way that allows for maybe there's a little bit of mystery in there.

“I think that’s interesting.”

Elsewhere in Hollywood, Cameron Diaz previously spoke about how her and her husband of over a decade Benji Madden don’t share a bed, saying on a 2023 podcast that ‘we should normalise separate bedrooms’.

Kaley Cuoco has also discussed it, saying on the Armchair Expert podcast with Dax Shephard that she and husband Tom Pelphrey sleep in different rooms due to their different sleep schedules and multiple dogs.

The actor stated this was a ‘game-changer’ for them, adding: “My brain didn't realise it was [about appearances], but I thought, "This doesn't look good.

“We had this like realisation, but I didn't know why I thought it was like so looked down upon.

“It works great for us. We're, like, so much happier.”

Sarah Paulson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Carson Daly, and Neil Patrick Harris have all shared their fondness of this type arrangement, with Paltrow having said she and her husband Brad Falchuck rarely live together.