Couples therapist says one question determines if a relationship is healthy

A couples therapist has revealed one thing to ask yourself to find out if your relationship is toxic.

Relationship advice is everywhere online these days, with articles, social media, and videos all stating one thing, and the experts touting another.

But when it comes to this matter, Yasmine Mattar knows her stuff.

As a Miami mental health counselling intern and life coach, understanding the inner workings of pairings is what she does for a living.

So, knowing how to open people, help them learn about themselves, and unpacking unhealthy coping mechanisms are key components of that.

This has led her to crack the code on what to ask to gain the full picture on the health of a relationship.

Speaking to the Daily Mail, Mattar revealed that the question she asks her clients in her Florida office is simple.

Yasmin Mattar revealed the question you should ask (Instagram/@balancedbyyasmine)

'If this relationship ended today, would you still feel like you could emotionally survive it?'

“That question tends to strike a nerve because many people have been taught to view intensity, emotional fusion or ‘I can't live without you’ type of love as romantic,” she told the outlet. “But clinically, that isn’t necessarily a sign of relational health.”

Mattar went on to claim that not being able to carry on without another person points to a few issues, namely ‘emotional dependency, fear of abandonment, identity loss within the relationship or an attachment wound being activated’.

The therapist added that a break up shouldn’t ‘completely dismantle your sense of self’, and while it’s not expected to be ‘painless’, it shouldn’t be ‘the sole thing holding your identity, nervous system, emotional stability or self-worth together’.

She said a relationship shouldn't be all-consuming (Getty Stock Images)

'Love should add to your life'

If it is, then your relationship may not be a healthy one.

“If you deeply love someone, of course losing them would hurt. You may grieve them, miss them, and feel deeply affected by their absence. That is completely normal and human,” the expert said.

“But in a healthy relationship, losing someone may break your heart, but it should not completely dismantle your sense of self.”

Instead, if there’s ‘still a preserved sense of individuality within the connection’, that’s a sign of a healthy relationship.

“At its healthiest, love should add to your life, not become the only thing keeping your life emotionally intact,” Mattar said, before adding: “You can deeply love someone and still remain emotionally whole as your own person. And remember, heartbreak is normal. Identity collapse is a different conversation.

The therapist explained that a break up shouldn’t ‘completely dismantle your sense of self’ (Getty Stock Images)

“One of the healthiest signs of love is the ability to stay connected without losing yourself inside of it.”

Similarly, the Lukin Center for Psychotherapy revealed that there are five signs that mean you are unhealthily attached to your partner.

They include things like experiencing ‘significant jealousy or distrust’, needing your partner to be around, struggling with anger and frustration, having ‘no balance’ in the relationship, and expecting your partner to meet all of your needs.

The practice suggests couples counselling can help, so that a relationship can get on track.