A clinical psychologist and sex expert has revealed the one thing which 'makes sex worse' for many couples and how you go about solving the common problem.
When it comes to sex, most people spend a lot of time thinking about it but a lot less time talking about it.
Whether it's because we're feeling a little bashful about our sex lives or believing the topic to be too taboo for polite conversation; most meaningful conversations about sex are shelved in favour of exaggerating and bragging.
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This usually leads to couples falling short when it comes to their bedroom activities.
Someone who isn't shy about discussing sex openly and honestly is psychologist Dr Karen Gurney, who is a recognised sexual wellbeing expert and has written several books on the topic.
During a discussion about her new book on an episode of the Diary of a CEO podcast, Gurney revealed that expectation is the one thing that's putting a downer on couples' after hours activities.
"Pressure is a total passion killer," she explained, to which host Steven Bartlett responded by saying that a bad sexual connection in relationships had often left him 'nervous' about going to bed due to anticipation.
"Pressure is not good for our sex lives," Gurney continued. "When you think about initiation it's often very much bound up in pressure."
She went on to explain that lack of communication is nearly always underpinning issues of expectation.
"The foundation of those expectations and pressure is not being able to talk about it," she continued.
"Because if you think about it what we're really wanting to say is 'I'm feeling quite stressed about the sex situation' and the fact that we don't talk about it means that those things are hanging between us."
She went on to add that many couples will often rely on 'sexual scripts' portrayed in the media in absence of feeling comfortable with intimate talk - which leads to a greater sense of anxiety in the long run.
So how does Dr Gurney think you should approach talking about sex with a partner?
If you feel weird or awkward talking about sex then it's time to push yourself out of your comfort zone, as communication is key in the mind of Gurney.
"Talking about sex is one of the most highly correlated factors with long-term sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction and maintaining desire over time," she explained.
"It's more important than the amount you have sex [or] liking the same thing sexually."
So there you have it, it doesn't matter how many times you have sex or with how many people you sleep with, communication is the most important thing.
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Brenna Cooper