Gay man in sexless ‘lavender marriage’ with wife explains why he won’t get divorce

A gay man in a sexless 'lavender marriage' has opened up on why he won't ever get a divorce.

Marriage certainly has a different definition to the one it had when a lot of us were young, with the traditional concept of two people choosing each other for life perhaps a distant memory.

While some people turn to new bedroom trends such as swinging and hotwifing to keep the marriage alive, others simply cannot fix whatever problems they have, with around 42 percent of marriages ending in divorce here in the UK.

However, in the case of Marty Mar, a 45-year-old director of a technology department from Phoenix, Arizona, US, even coming out to his wife for a second time wasn't enough to break their commitment to each other.

He met his wife Brandi, 42, at a barbecue back in 2008, and they instantly hit it off, so much so that he came out to her not long after.

They still share a house but not a bed (SWNS)

But they quickly became 'inseparable', and Marty was somewhat surprised to have developed feelings for her, which led to them marrying in 2011 and having a baby not long after.

Marty explained: “She was the first woman I ever came out to, and instead of walking away she doubled down on our love.

“She called me her gay husband, I met her family as a gay man, and somehow we just kept choosing each other. I came out as only being attracted to men, but I was drawn to her."

It was during the Covid pandemic, after more than nine years of marriage, that Marty realised his true feelings.

He added: "I found myself attracted to her, and assumed I wasn't gay. We had kids, marriage, but then during Covid, I was scrolling through the queer side of TikTok and realised I was still gay.

The couple's main priority remains their teenage daughter London (SWNS)

“When I came out the second time, there was an adjustment period where she had to fall out of love with me in that way. We stopped having sex, moved into separate rooms and later separate floors, but we never stopped being a family.

“People think marriage is about sex, but there are at least 10 different kinds of intimacy."

Marty's realisation hasn't stopped him loving his wife or his daughter, and he remains committed to them, as he's gone on just one date in the last three years while his wife Brandi hasn't been on any.

“We have a home, a daughter, investments, shared history – she’s my person and my emergency contact.

"For the first time in my life, I love who I am. My family matters more to me than running around looking for sex, and if I’m showing people a new way to live, that feels incredible.”