There's much more to the swinger's lifestyle than getting it on with other people and adopting the upside-down pineapple as your symbol to let people know you're down to clown.
The thing with secret signs is they can only stay secret for so long while the internet is involved, but a picture of an upturned pineapple is still a way swingers can make fellow fornicators aware their interests align.
Another suggested sign is a black ring worn on the right hand, though that one might just be because someone really likes it as a fashion statement.
Everything started somewhere, and therein lies the difference between the two swinging activities of 'soft swapping' and 'full swapping'.
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Even those who have deeply embraced the swinger's lifestyle and the freedom it grants them to deeply embrace people who aren't their partner had a first time at the car key bowl or however they do it nowadays, and that's where 'soft swapping' comes in.
'Soft swapping' and 'full swapping'
Like any subculture, swinging is choc full of terminology which refers to often quite complicated things in a pithy way, so those in the know can use the term and not have to explain things every time.
As such, 'soft swapping' refers to a situation where someone going swinging with their partner ends up with someone else for the night, but no penetrative sex is on the cards.
Hims explains that when inducting newcomers into the world of swinging dunking them in at the deep end of f**king someone else might be a bit much to start with.
As such they might start off with 'soft swinging' where a couple will still end up with each other but they'll be doing the no-pants dance in the presence of others to get them used to the horny atmosphere.
The next step up from 'soft swinging' is 'soft swapping', and that gets them ready for 'full swapping' where they'll end up with other people and penetrative sex is a possibility.
The rules of soft swapping
The big rule that differentiates soft swapping from full swapping is the lack of penetrative sex, so there'll be no insertion of ding-a-lings action going on during the swinging session.
Whichever your preferred method of referring to a penile penetration is, it ain't happening with soft swapping.
Pretty much any swinger's group worth their salt will tell you that the rules of swinging still apply to soft swapping, so that means enthusiastic consent needs to be obtained and before anything starts, there needs to be a conversation over boundaries so everyone knows what they can and can't do.
According to Hims, soft swapping generally allows for kissing, touching, fingering, hand jobs, oral sex and toy play, but all of this is down to the boundaries someone wishes to set.
Going full swapping
Full swapping is essentially what you would think of when you think of swingers, it's where people going to an event intend to swap partners and have penetrative sex with someone else.
The prospect of such may seem daunting for newcomers to the swinging scene, and as such, soft swinging and then soft swapping are used to ease them into the lifestyle and get comfortable having sex in the presence of other people - as well as being intimate with another person before crossing that barrier of penetrative sex.
Hims warns that some people getting into swinging think they'll be able to handle their partner getting intimate with someone else only to discover they have feelings of jealousy when it actually happens. So, soft swapping allows them to confront these feelings and decided whether or not they wish to proceed.
If so then they can go full swapping.
Topics: Lifestyle, Sex and Relationships, Community
Joe Harker