Relationship expert reveals the 10 things you should never say to your partner

Relationships are hard and it can take a while to truly get to know your significant other and exactly what will push their buttons.

But while every relationship is a learning curve, one expert has some handy tips on how to avoid conflict in your couple, no matter who your partner is.

According to a group of relationship counsellors, there are 10 things you should always avoid saying to your partner to prevent explosive rows, regardless of whether you've been together six months or six years.

Speaking to iNews, the experts shared the phrases that should never slip out your mouth, so if you're hoping for a happy and long-lasting relationship, you might want to start taking notes.

Some of the points are pretty obvious, but there are definitely some which will come as a surprise — and which might explain why you've had more situationships than relationships.

If you want to avoid unnecessary conflict, avoid saying these things (Getty Stock Images)

'You’re overreacting'

Coming in hot, telling a partner they are overreacting is like a red rag to a bull and it's no wonder, as according to chartered counselling psychologist and Counselling Directory member Jeanette Fegan, when you say 'you're overreacting' what you're really doing is telling someone their 'voice is not important'.

She said: "Instead of dismissive statements, adopt a curiosity as to why your partner said or did what they did, so you can better understand them and they you."

Fegan also pointed out that if you said something like 'you're overreacting as usual' that starts getting into gaslighting territory as you're now painting your partner as someone who often overreacts to things.

'You care about [something/someone] more than me'

This one can really sting, whether that is the intention behind it or not, and according to the experts, if you say this, you're running the risk of invalidating your partner's love for you.

As life coach Lorena Bernal points out, you don't get to decide how much another person cares for things in their life, nor set up some form of ranking about it.

She said that if you're feeling neglected compared to some other aspect of your partner's life then you ought to let them know without playing 'the blame game'.

Most people have accused their partner of not listening (Getty Stock Images)

'You never listen'

Okay, let's have a raise of hands. Pretty much every person has said this to a partner at one time or another, but if it was really true, would even be together? We'll let you ponder on that.

Bernal described this as an 'inherently hyperbolic and inaccurate' statement, so by saying it you're already starting off on pretty indefensible ground.

Blaming someone like this is likely to make them defensive, instead of doing that, you might prefer asking to discuss it further so you can have a proper chat about what's bothering you.

'That’s not true - you’re being ridiculous'

While this one can a difficult one to grasp, it's important to note that everyone has their own experience of what's going on around them, meaning they all have their own truth, too.

There might be a time when your partner has suspicions about something you've done or accusations about the way you're treating them, but instead of outright telling them they're ridiculous, you should try to 'understand how the other person experiences the situation,' according to relationship coach Heather Garbutt.

Apparently, you need to get where they're coming from even if where they've ended up is completely wrong, so telling your partner they're being ridiculous isn't going to help much.

Hurtful things can't be unsaid once they come out your mouth (Getty Stock Images)

'This is just like before, when you did...'

If you're really in the mood for a big fight, all you need to do is bring up past problems and conflicts, making sure it's you versus your partner instead of you both against the problem. While a big blow out might seem appealing if you're angry or frustrated, it's not healthy for either of you, or your relationship.

It turns out that letting your partner know that whatever they say and do is being monitored and could be used against them is not a great way to communicate.

"It can make your partner feel as though they’re constantly under scrutiny and that past mistakes will never be truly forgiven, undermining trust and security within the relationship," Bernal explained.

'I told you so'

This is textbook. We all know this, whether it's friends, family or a partner. There has never been a time where telling someone 'I told you so,' made a situation any better, no matter how good it night feel in the moment. Don't do it.

Neuroscientist and human behaviour expert Eldin Hasa says telling your partner 'told you so' can help imply 'a sense of superiority and undermines your partner’s self-esteem'.

In turn that makes them stressed, and if you're the source of their stress they might not want to be around you for much longer.

No one has ever liked hearing 'I told you so' (Getty Stock Images)

'You’re such a [insulting name]'

Once you've said something like this it's very difficult to un-say it, insulting someone is pretty damn hostile and that's not what you want to go for if you want a relationship to survive.

Fegan said: "Essentially it is crucial to communicate your needs to your partner with empathy, and choose words where the person owns their feelings."

She added that it can create a relationship where you both 'feel unsafe and undervalued'.

'I don't want to hear about it'

This is a one way ticket to making your partner feel unheard and creating 'emotional distancing' in your relationship when you shut down communication.

Being unwilling to have the conversation just prolongs the issue and leaves you both stewing, rather than addressing the issues and moving on from them.

On that note, brushing them under the carpet and trying to move on from it doesn't work either.

Shutting down communication can be so damaging (Getty Stock Images)

'Why can’t you be more like...?'

Now, this one really hurts to be on the receiving end of and will only succeed in making you partner feel like they're not good enough, probably causing some jealousy issues along the way too.

If you want your other half to be more like someone else then they might wonder why you don't shack up with them instead.

"They are likely to believe that they are not good enough. This will then likely result in people pleasing behaviour; they will try and do whatever the person wants to feel ‘good enough.’" Fegan said, warning that while in the short term, this might get someone to do what you want in the long term it's liable to cause resentment.

'If you don’t do *this*, I’ll leave'

Interestingly, Fegan says offering an ultimatum in this fashion is a 'toxic' tactic, which can drop your partner 'in a state of fear' where they feel they have to tread on eggshells around you or the relationship might be over.

And it should come as no surprise to anyone that if you put the end of your relationship on the table, there's a good chance it might actually end. And if it doesn't, it becomes a cycle of meaningless and empty threats.