Man turns up at hospital after injecting semen into his arm for 18 months to relieve pain
A man landed himself in hospital after attempting to cure his back pain by injecting himself with semen.
Now, alternative medicine isn't anything new or revolutionary, as we're more than likely familiar with practices such as acupuncture or old wives' tales about drinking hot water with honey and lemon to cure a sore throat, however one Irish bloke decided to take this idea to the absolute extreme.
According to a 2019 Irish Medical Journal (IMJ) entry - punnily titled '“Semenly” Harmless Back Pain: An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous Abscess' - an unnamed man somehow concluded that the best way to treat back pain wasn't pain relief, a hot compress or improving one's posture, but instead grabbing a needle, filling it with some of his own spunk and injecting it into himself.
The logic which the man used to arrive at this idea is not known, but what happened next is well documented.
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The case study details that the man, who was 33 at the time, had sought medical attention after experiencing a 'severe, sudden onset lower back pain' after 'lifting a heavy steel object three days prior'.
During a physical exam, doctors noted that the man also had visible swelling in his lower right arm, which he then confessed was from injecting semen into the area.
The man then revealed that he'd been using the DIY remedy for around 18 months, his back pain had been going on longer than three days, after purchasing a hypodermic needle online.
Doctors noted that he had an 'extravasation' of semen into the soft tissues, which means the semen had leaked into the surrounding tissue, the result of numerous failed injection attempts and a high white blood cell count.
What happens if you inject semen into yourself?
Now I'd hope this would go without saying, but it's really not a good idea to inject yourself with semen using a needle you've purchased online.
In this instance, the man developed a subcutaneous emphysema - which is when air or gas finds its way into the deepest layer of the skin - as well as swelling and oedema (swelling caused by excess fluid).
He was admitted to hospital and given intravenous antimicrobial treatment to treat cellulitis, a bacterial infection which develops in the deeper layers of tissue.
Other complications also include anaphylactic shock, tissue death and sepsis.
The case study added that his back pain improved while spending time inpatient, however, he ultimately discharged himself before completing his treatment.
To absolutely no one's surprise, there are no other cases of a person injecting themselves with semen for health reasons, and the IMJ ruled against others doing so.
"While it is the first-ever described case of intravascular semen injection and associated abscess in the medical literature its lessons can be applied on a broader scale," the study concluded.
"The dangers of venepuncture when carried out by the untrained layperson are highlighted as well as the vascular and soft tissue hazards surrounding the attempted injection of substances not intended for intravenous use.
"The case also demonstrates the risks involved with medical experimentation prior to extensive clinical research in the form of phased trials inclusive of safety and efficacy assessments."
Brenna Cooper