Relationship expert explains how to deal with worrying ‘breadcrumbing’ dating trend
TikTok dating coach Sabrina Zohar has shared a few pearls of wisdom on how to deal with the current 'breadcrumbing' issue.
Across two impassioned videos, she rammed home the point that making excuses for 'b******t behaviour' is actually 'discrediting' your own desires, and that simply 'flaming' Instagram uploads is not enough if you're serious about starting a relationship.
Digging into the murky world of this worrying trend, which sees people illustrating their romantic interest in others with just nuggets of vague interaction, the expert argued: "No, they're not that busy and no, I don't care how traumatic their past relationship was and that's why they're so scared to move on and that's why they always need space and they need to keep pushing you away, and they always need five f*****g business days to determine whether what they're even emotionally feeling.
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"This person's emotionally unavailable," she said. "And the more we try to excuse the behaviour - 'oh they're just really shy, that's why they don't wanna have the conversation with me... or I was just being too much, I don't wanna push them away because what I'm saying is a lot - it actually just sounds like you're gaslighting yourself."
In Sabrina's eyes, this is minimising your wants and needs, as she further explained: "You're excusing their b******t behaviour as if there's something wrong with you, that they're not suddenly changing who they are to choose you, but if you can just change who you are and you can change the way that you do this then they're gonna like you more.
"At the end of the day, you're just self-abandoning. You're getting further and further away from truly what it is that you want and need."
Referring to how people are happy to just send 'good morning' texts every day as opposed to committing to any in-person interaction, Sabrina reiterated: "You've gotta stop making excuses for low-effort, bare-minimum behaviour and start demanding more for yourself, because if you don't stand up for what it is that you want and need, who else is going to?"
Meanwhile, Sabrina also revealed the two text message options you have in front of you if you've attracted a breadcrumber.
"One is going to end it and one is going to gain clarity, you pick your poison," she declared.
The first text could be: 'Hey, I don't appreciate the inconsistency with our communication and I've decided to move on. I wish you all the best and take care.'
"You don't owe them s**t," pointed out Sabrina. "You told them that you're not into it, you told them that you've moved on, now call it a day delete the f*****g number and go onto somebody that is gonna actually give you a lot more than just a morsel of a crumb to keep your attention on the hook."
As for the second, the relationship expert went on to suggest: 'Hey, our communication feels really inconsistent and that doesn't work for me. Are you available for a phone call, I'd just like to clear things up?'
"Don't have these conversations via text!" she stressed. "Do it in person, on the phone, FaceTime, whatever it is. Face-to-face so that they can actually see tonality and hear your voice.
"If they don't answer, great, they did you a favour. If they answer and give you some kind of lukewarm b******t, great, now you know where you stand. But at the very least, if you wanna give this one last hurrah, you don't wanna walk away without at least trying, there you go, you can give them the option."
Topics: Dating trends, TikTok, Sex and Relationships
Dan Seddon