Featured Image Credit: Supplied
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Dating trends
Anish Vij
A sex expert has explained why hotwifing has become so popular, as one woman who's successfully incorporated it into her relationship has opened up about the misconceptions.
Mum-of-two Carli Foster is a real life hotwife who used to be in a monogamous relationship with her partner.
However, after the birth of their second child, the life coach, now 43, decided to massively switch things up by asking the father of her children to start a OnlyFans page with her.
"I was just like, 'yeah f**k it,' you know? It sounds fun, we'll give it a go," she told LADbible.
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They opened up their relationship in the form of hotwifing, which would see Carli sleeping with other men with the consent and support of her partner.
Unlike cuckolding, hotwifing doesn't include elements of humiliation, and isn't always watched by man in the relationship.
While a woman will have her partner's consent to sleep with over people, the husband will get some sort of sexual satisfaction from it.
"After having kids and being in my 40s, it's been a very liberating and empowering experience for me. It's great for both of us because he gets a lot of sexual pleasure from it, so it's obviously fulfilling his fantasies and desires, but it was framed to me so I could go out and have some fun," she said.
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"Having been in the throws of motherhood with really young children, it's given me the ability to have an identity outside of family life."
Sex podcaster Jess O’Reilly, PhD, explained in an interview with Men's Health that men will tend to derive pleasure from their partner's pleasure.
Also just knowing that their partner will choose to sleep with another person, but ultimately still chooses them, is said to be a form empowerment.
If it's something you fancy trying, O’Reilly advises to 'debrief after new encounters to ensure you both feel safe and cared for'.
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“When things go well, you can use the conversation and memories to fuel excitement and connection,” she said.
“If things don’t go well, you can share insights, offer support, and discuss how you might do things differently in the future.
“Be realistic about expectations; they won’t always be met, so take the pressure off as you explore for all types of pleasure—emotional, relational, practical, physical, erotic, etc.”
Although Claudia Aguirre, cofounder of Luxury Lifestyle Vacations, warns that hotwifing can be problematic when the husband is the one making all the decisions.
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“Some men [who are] into the cuckold/hotwife lifestyle give the impression that they are a whole lot less interested in their wives’ sexual freedom and much more into choreographing their own pleasure,” she explains.
“And, in some instances, a wife may not enjoy being a character in her husband’s scripts.”
O’Reilly added: “Masculinity is tied to resources, and women are often treated as a resource. It follows that it can be affirming for men to know that their wife or partner is attractive to others.
“That’s not to say that those who enjoy hotwifing are doing it only for affirmation or to reinforce masculinity. And I certainly would not suggest that men who enjoy hotwifing universally see their partners as a resource—many of these relationships are rooted in mutual care, love and respect; gender roles are deeply ingrained in our culture.”