"I've had a rough day," and "we're celebrating!" are a couple of the common excuses people use for going out drinking, but one British Army cadet went for a more original justification when it came to getting p***ed.
The elaborate tale is one relayed by author and former cadet Geordie Stewart in his new book, Hurry Up And Wait: The Secret Life of a Sandhurst Cadet.
Stewart attended The Royal Military Academy Sandhurst as part of his journey to a five-year career in an army reconnaissance regiment, with the renowned academy having also welcomed the likes of Prince Harry over the years.
In extracts published in the Daily Star, the author recalled the antics of one cadet in particular; a middle-ranking Royal Artillery officer of the 39 Platoon in waiting.
According to Stewart, this cadet couldn't resist the 'magnetic' draw of 'dating apps and London clubs'. He recalled the man attempting to charm a trainee lawyer one night before heading back to his room, when he was confronted by his superior, Colour Sergeant Thornton.
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The encounter took place in the 'wee hours', when the cadet was walking 'somewhat hazily' - no doubt tipping the sergeant off to his intoxicated state.
"His justification?" Stewart wrote. "He asked Queen Victoria – the statue, that is – whether his overnight absence was approved. She kindly agreed that it was."
Though Queen Victoria was indeed very kind to approve his night out, it should be stressed that she died in 1901, and so couldn't actually have granted permission of any kind - at least not without crossing some sort of boundary from the afterlife.
This cadet's wild ways didn't stop there, as he apparently even went as far as to go on a night out before an important chapel parade set to take place the following day.
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Stewart explained: "With a chapel parade early on Sunday morning, most people were having a quiet Saturday night in.
"The dress code was blues, the smartest of all dress. The night started well with a few drinks police conversation and a few speeches."
However, as the night escalated, the cadet 'proceeded through the levels quickly and assertively'.
The man is said to have quickly got into 'chanting, stumbling and chundering', before taking an 'unplanned dip in the Sandhurst lake before being accompanied to the block'.
He might have got away with the incident too, if it weren't for the fact that he had to wear the blues again for 'the most important chapel service of the intake' the next day, when his clothes were still 'fully sodden'.
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According to Stewart, the cadet quickly learned the consequences of his actions as he spent the following weekends mastering the graceful art of shovelling horse manure. I wonder if it was worth it?
Topics: UK News
Emily Brown