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Fear not though, said penis is not featured in the snap.
Jonah Falcon, an actor based in New York, USA, has been flaunting his package for decades now, and claims his member reaches an eye-watering 13.5 inches in length when erect.
Offering a physical demonstration on Instagram, Jonah shared a photo of a cucumber in his hand, captioning the post: "Am a little longer and much, much thicker."
As well as the girth, there are a number of other notable differences between the cucumber and Jonah's Johnson.
For one, the cucumber doesn't fluctuate in size. Also, the cucumber might be nice in a salad, or on sore eyes.
Going into a bit more detail about the vegetable/phallus comparison, Jonah said: "I had to have a pic - I'm around the same length but much thicker, I'm my wrist's thickness.
"The comparison is fairly accurate. I'm a little more than three fists' length.
"I just [shared the picture] to be a little cheeky.
"I'm not trying to compete - I just enjoy using it to make people happy or laugh."
Awww, that's sweet, using his monster c**k to give back.
The trouser snake also enables him to be himself.
Jonah explained: "I don't need a fancy car, I don't need a gun, I happily wear a mask, and so on, because I don't have to prove my masculinity to anyone else. I'll wear all pink, damnit!"
What's more, his astonishing shlong has apparently enabled him to bed celebs.
Speaking to The Sun, he said: "Yes I've slept with celebrities including Oscar nominees and Oscar winners. But I can't talk about that.
"I can't even say if it was men or women - it's a very limited list so I don't want to narrow it down too far. It wasn't Meryl Streep - I'll just leave it at that."
Falcon also admitted he used to perform autofellatio [oral sex on your own penis] from the ages of 10 to 18, but due to upper back pain it's no longer an option.
It's not all perks though (if indeed you consider autofellatio a perk) - there are some downsides too.
He said: "For some reason, having 13-plus inches means I'm a bad person, or I'm egotistic, or I'm a porn star, or I'm dumb, or I'm a s***.
"Also, I'm sick and tired of having people wanting me to measure it in front of them. I've done it 10,000 times - enough already!"
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