Relationship expert reveals the 'eight post-date' questions to ask yourself to find the perfect partner
A relationship expert has opened up about her unique strategy to help find the 'perfect' partner.
Logan Ury, a behavioural scientist and the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, came up with a checklist she calls the 'post-date eight' back in 2019.
It was inspired by a client who complained about going on a number of unsuccessful dates.
She determined that the man in question was looking for the wrong things, focusing too much on superficial details in search of the right person.
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Ury then developed an eight-question formula, based on compatibility, which kind of sounds like the plot to Think Like A Man, but with real-life benefits.
After her client's dating life improved massively, she then decided to share her questions in her book How To Not Die Alone.
"There are eight questions to ask yourself after a date," she said on Steven Barlett's The Diary Of A CEO podcast last year.
"The point of the post-date eight is that when you go on a date with a checklist, in your head you're evaluating the person as if you're on a job interview."
The dating expert continued: "'Are they good-looking enough for me? Are they ambitious enough for me? Are they funny enough for me?' you're evaluating.
"Instead with the post-date eight, it's actually training you to tune into your experience, your experiential mindset.
"'We laugh together, do I feel desired in their presence? Do they make me feel more energised or less energised?' And finally 'what side of me do they bring out?'
"Because whoever that person brings out in you is who you will be for the rest of your life in that relationship and don't you want to be the happy, secure, desired, hilarious version of yourself?"
Post-date eight questions
1) What side of me did they bring out?
2) How did my body feel during the day? Stiff, relaxed, or somewhere in between?
3) Do I feel more energised or de-energised than I did before the date?
4) Is there something about them that I’m curious about?
5) Did they make me laugh?
6) Did I feel heard?
7) Did I feel attractive in their presence?
8) Did I feel captivated, bored or somewhere in between?
Ury also noted that people need to stop chasing the 'spark' and opt for a more of a 'slow burn' connection which can last the distance.
"How do you do that? You need a new barometer," she added.
"So with the post-date eight, you ask yourself these questions after a date and then you see, 'Am I interested, is my interest trending upwards?' After each date and it's a way of training your brain away from the initial chemistry, maybe the anxious-avoidant loop, to a new way of dating," Ury concluded.
Topics: Dating trends, Sex and Relationships
Anish Vij