Man Opens 25-Year-Old Can Of Spider-Man Pasta And Shares The Contents
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In these straightened times we're living through right now, we're all becoming a bit better acquainted with the cans of food that live at the very back of our cupboards. However, even the most slovenly among us are unlikely to discover a 25-year-old can of Spider-Man pasta shapes. Here's what one Twitter user unearthed:
Yep, the guy decided to let the world in so that we could see what the contents of a can that old would look like.
The answer, as you can probably imagine, is absolutely f***ing disgusting.
The man, who goes by the name Dinosaur Dracula, discovered the can of 'Chef Boyardee presents Spider-Man' pasta and took an engrossed - or perhaps just grossed - band of followers through the entire process.
He began: "I put the can opener to work, unsettled by the rust, but emboldened by the lack of noxious fumes. I turn the knob and wince, unable to rule out the possibility that the contents have mutated into something alive & malevolent."
Don't worry, while it may be malevolent, this kids' pasta dish is long dead.
He went on: "They say tragedy plus time equals comedy, but there's nothing funny about 15 ounces of Spider-Man Pasta reduced to a rotted 3-ounce chunk. Recalling the fate of Jordy Verrill in Creepshow, I'm thankful for my rubber gloves."
What lies inside the can is an amorphous brown mass. It's hard to tell what was what when it was whole, but you can be damn sure it isn't safe to eat.
Our intrepid culinary cosmonaut continued: "I carefully remove the mass, which looks like a cross between Big Thunder Mountain and one of those Geonosian hives from Attack of the Clones."
Then, he managed to identify something outside of just a ball of rotted food. Well, to be fair, it's still rotted food, but he could actually tell what it was.
He explained: "I think I notice something, but consult the label on the can to be sure. Indeed, there's poor Spider-Man, trapped in this godforsaken toxic monstrosity. I'm sorry, Peter. With old pasta comes great instability."
Dinosaur Dracula concluded: "Thank you all for taking this journey with me."
No, thank you. Who hasn't wondered what would happen to a whole load of Spidey-shaped pasta if you left it in the can for a quarter of a century?
Since he shared the thread, it has been liked and shared thousands of times by amazed observers who are grossed out by his discovery.
To be fair, we've all got to get inventive to keep ourselves amused during this difficult period.
Whatever you do, and no matter how bored you get, don't (that's DON'T) eat any massively out of date food. The hospitals don't need that just now.