Virgin Island star reveals first signs of ‘spectatoring’ sexual issue after show 'undid 10 years of issues'

Virgin Island features participants with a host of issues which, for one reason or another, has left them as adults who have never had sex.

The Channel 4 show could easily have been a series that mocked the virgins who star in it, but instead focuses on helping to destigmatise being an adult virgin, and make people more comfortable with discussing barriers they may have to intimacy.

One of the barriers facing a participant in the second season of the show is an issue called ‘spectatoring’, a sexual problem that prevented Alex from having sex most of his adult life.

Alex, 28, is a data analyst from Exeter who appeared on the second season of the show.

After discovering the existence of the series on YouTube Alex decided to apply after seeing on LADbible that the second season was looking for new virgins to appear on the TV show.

Speaking exclusively to LADbible, Alex revealed how he realised he had an issue with ‘spectatoring’, how it led to his battle with erectile dysfunction, and how the show totally changes his life and outlook on intimacy.

What is spectatoring and how did it first start to effect Alex?

Spectatoring is a symptom of sexual anxiety in which people begin viewing proceedings from an out-of-body third person lens as opposed to enjoying themselves in the moment.

Speaking about the experience on the show, Alex said: “I’m not even thinking about being present with this person… You are just viewing yourself almost from a third-person point of view, being, like, ‘Oh, I have to do this.’”

The spectatoring, and resulting anxiety, caused the 28-year-old to suffer from erectile dysfunction.

Alex revealed that, particularly with more recent partners, his erectile dysfunction caused the issue to compound and described it as a ‘negative thought spiral’.

Speaking about his dating, he explained: “Especially with more recent partners where I knew it was such a big issue for me you'd get to maybe the fourth or fifth date or even like the third date and then that gnawing feeling would sort of get at you being like ‘oh she's going to expect to want to have sex soon.’

“It's either like I’m going to try and probably fail or I’m going to have to have a really embarrassing conversation that'd be like ‘hey I get really nervous during sex and usually can't yeah get an erection’.

He explained that it ‘gets in the way of relationships’ and led to suffering from insecurities and ‘feeling emasculated not feeling like a good boyfriend because I can't do these things.’

Alex continued: “It's like oh you know this might be going well but give it two more dates and you're gonna have to cut things off, you're gonna have to self-sabotage because you're not gonna have to have sex with her and she's not gonna understand or she's gonna be disappointed or think less of you as a man.”

Getting an erection on Virgin Island ‘undid ten years of anxiety’ around sex for Alex

In the show Alex gets an erection with Ilil, one of the show’s sexological bodyworkers, during an intimacy session.

Whilst Alex has gotten erections in the past, even describing having intimacy short of penetrative sex, this was the first he’d had one in a situation where it could have possibly led towards sex after finally being able to control the thoughts that made it feel like a performance.

In a TikTok Alex said that it had ‘undone ten years of sexual anxiety’ when she gave him an erection. He added: “It was an indescribable feeling of just like relief and release. I'd been holding on to this tension and this anxiety for so long and then with Ilil in like the space of you know two or three sessions I'm able to go into it like it's normal and get an erection, do different positions, stay hard put a condom on.

“I could never have imagined to ever have done that without a little help and without the help of the island.”

He explained that he would never have imagined being able to feel comfortable with someone he doesn’t really know or have a sexual connection with, but the techniques they taught him involving breathing and getting ‘into your body’ to enjoy it helped.

“[It has] quite literally undone ten years worth of sexual anxiety.”

Whilst season three of Virgin Island hasn’t yet been confirmed, if the success of the show so far is anything to go by it seems like an absolute certainty.

If it does end up being announced however, Alex has a word of advice for any virgins considering participating. He said: “Virgin Island is quite literally the best thing I’ve ever done and has changed my life completely both sexually and in the confidence and the outlook I have on life.

“Virgin Island has been amazing and I recommend these types of therapies or talking therapies or anything like this to anyone and if you can get on the show then then definitely do.”

Virgin Island airs a new episode tonight, 11 May, on Channel 4.