Sexologist explains what it means if couple is into 'hotwifing'

A sexologist has explained the appeal of a relationship trend known as 'hotwifing', which thanks to the internet more couples are able to discuss their enjoyment of.

There are many, many types of polyamorous relationships which are getting talked about more and more, which in turn is introducing them to new audiences who might be interested but never had the name to put to their desires.

Among these relationship dynamics is one known as 'hotwifing', which is typically for married couples where the husband enjoys his wife having relations with other people who are not him.

Sometimes the bloke takes part in the action by making it a threesome or will be watching his partner getting it on with someone else, while in other instances he might be somewhere else aware of what's going on and be told what happened later.

Maybe he likes to watch or join in, or perhaps he's elsewhere waiting to hear about it (Getty Stock Images)

Sexologist Dr Jess O'Reilly of the Sex With Dr Jess podcast said there were several points about 'hotwifing' that couples might enjoy, and told Men's Health what it meant for couples who got into it.

Why does 'hotwifing' appeal to some couples?

According to Dr Jess, there are all sorts of reasons why a couple would be into 'hotwifing'.

The sexologist explained it could be because they got pleasure from a partner enjoying themselves, subverting sexual norms, exploring new and intimate sides of their partner and the potential power of knowing their partner still ultimately chooses them even after being desired by others.

There are all sorts of dynamics that could potentially be at play, as the sexologist said getting into the new style should start with a conversation that should tackle the following three questions:

• What about the idea of hotwifing turns you on?
• Do you have any specific hotwifing fantasies?
• Do you have any concerns about this dynamic?

She said: "When things go well, you can use the conversation and memories to fuel excitement and connection.

"If things don’t go well, you can share insights, offer support, and discuss how you might do things differently in the future.

"Be realistic about expectations; they won’t always be met, so take the pressure off as you explore for all types of pleasure—emotional, relational, practical, physical, erotic, etc."

The perspective of a 'hotwife'

Holly Jones explained that she and her now-husband got into 'hotwifing' (Instagram/hollyhotwifejones)

Someone who actually participates in this is 'hotwife' Holly Jones, who said she realised she was interested in it shortly after she met her husband.

She told the Holly Randall Unfiltered podcast they 'ended up having a foursome with another couple' on their first night and afterwards asked her now-husband whether he'd be interested in more experiences like it in the future.

"I really think it depends on personalities," she said.

"We don't really have jealously issues or insecurities. He would always say 'I have the hottest woman in the world, why would I not want to share?

"'I have this cool LEGO set, why would I not want to show it to my boys?' It's not the degrading aspect, it's like, 'Look what I have.' It's kind of the trophy thing, but it fulfils his fantasies so there's nothing disrespectful about it. It's comfortable to us."

She stressed that sharing their fantasies made their relationship stronger.

What are the differences between 'hotwifing' and swinging?

There are some key differences between hotwifing and swinging (Getty Stock Images)

While hotwifing involves just one person carrying out sexual acts with someone outside the relationship, swinging is seen as more of a 'team sport' with everyone taking part.

It's also somewhat more sociable, as swingers tend to 'be friends both in and out of the bedroom'. In many cases, the couples will go out and get to know each other before getting into the swing of it (pardon the pun).

However, hotwives don't necessarily feel the need to be friendly with their sexual partners, and may want to have sex with a physically attractive male, regardless of his personality.

With both, everyone involved knows their roles and communication is key in making sure it all works smoothly.