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Doctor explains immediate way you know you're not dating a narcissist despite how they act

Home> Lifestyle

Updated 14:08 19 Nov 2025 GMTPublished 14:05 19 Nov 2025 GMT

Doctor explains immediate way you know you're not dating a narcissist despite how they act

You might think they are, but what if they're not?

Joe Harker

Joe Harker

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A doctor has explained a method she thinks can prove whether or not you're dating a narcissist, should you have any doubts about what's going on in your relationship.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) live with a mental health condition that gives them an increased sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for other people, and a deep need for admiration.

It only affects a relatively small proportion of the population, so while lots of people might act in a bit of a narcissistic manner from time to time, it doesn't mean they actually mean they have NPD.

Diagnosed narcissist Jacob Skidmore explained that lots of people might wonder if they were one, but explained that for him, narcissistic thoughts applied to 'literally everything in his life', so he'd think things like 'I took in the groceries today better than anybody who's ever existed'.

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The possibility of being in a relationship with a narcissist is one a lot of people have considered, as they want to know whether they're sharing their lives with someone who will always put themselves first.

You might be wondering if you're in a relationship with a narcissist, there's plenty of signs to point you in the right direction (Getty Stock Photo)
You might be wondering if you're in a relationship with a narcissist, there's plenty of signs to point you in the right direction (Getty Stock Photo)

How to tell you're not dating a narcissist

Speaking on Rise Above with Kevin Lanning, Doctor Cali Estes explained that she heard lots of people describing their partner as a narcissist, and her reaction was 'no he's not'.

The doctor shared that one of the main signs you weren't in a relationship with a narcissist would be your social media activity, and how much you would be able to tell people about your suspicions that your partner was a narcissist.

She said: "If you're dating a narcissist, you will not post on social media you're dating a narcissist because he'll come for you mentally, physically, financially. He's going to come for you, you will not have that video up.

"So, if you say 'I'm dating a narcissist', guarantee you he's not."

Dr Estes said that people didn't always like her way of telling whether you were in a relationship with a narcissist or not, challenging people to 'prove me wrong'.

Dr Cali Estes said if you felt like you could post on social media about how your partner was a narcissist then they probably weren't (Greg Doherty/Getty Images)
Dr Cali Estes said if you felt like you could post on social media about how your partner was a narcissist then they probably weren't (Greg Doherty/Getty Images)

Signs you may be dating a narcissist

There are plenty of others who've spoken about the other side of things, the signs to be on the lookout for that you really are dating a narcissist.

Psychologist Dr Sarah Davies said they'd display an 'alarming' level of denial and never take responsibility for their actions, with apologies being in short supply.

There would also be the use of 'emotional hooks', where they'd know exactly what feelings to play on, and the relationship would likely start with a wave of 'love bombing' where they'd bombard you with affection, praise and gifts at the start in order to gain control over you.

She also explained that there'd be a lot of one-upping anything you did so that any time the spotlight was on you they'd pull it back towards their direction.

Divorce coach Nawal Houghton told LADbible that in the early days of dating a narcissist they'd 'analyse and profile you', 'tell you what you want to hear' and then drop all of this once they feel as though they've got control.

They said that a narcissist would 'start to test you' in order to gauge your response, and that from then on, you're 'walking on eggshells', since not upsetting your partner is a daily concern.

Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock

Topics: Lifestyle, Mental Health, Sex and Relationships

Joe Harker
Joe Harker

Joe graduated from the University of Salford with a degree in Journalism and worked for Reach before joining the LADbible Group. When not writing he enjoys the nerdier things in life like painting wargaming miniatures and chatting with other nerds on the internet. He's also spent a few years coaching fencing. Contact him via [email protected]

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@MrJoeHarker

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