Warning: This article contains discussion of alcoholism and suicide which some readers may find distressing.
At the age of 18, Sean Holland says he started drinking beer to help with anxiety and panic disorder.
And by the time he was 21, he would have the ‘alcohol shakes’ while he was at work.
It got so bad that he began getting through six bottles of wine a day before moving on to spirits. Spending about £55 on booze daily, Sean would get violent when drunk and ended up in prison several times.
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The landscaper’s health, of course, suffered horrifically also due to his drinking, with doctors finding a number of problems as his entire body ended up turning yellow.
Sean is sober now but is sharing his story with alcoholism as he wants others to know there’s a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’.
But he couldn’t see that himself at the time, as he’d booked himself into a hotel last year in a bid to end his life.
When he was 23, he’d start his day with a drink, downing half a pint of vodka or ‘two to three beers’ before he ‘could even function’.
"From 24, I was going through about six bottles of wine a day, [as] beer didn't do anything for me anymore," Sean explained.
And wine ‘didn’t do much’ after then either, and by 25 he was drinking a bottle of vodka from 5am to 11am ‘just so I don't throw up or have a fit or a seizure’.
"By March last year I was drinking two to three litres of straight vodka a day," the 27-year-old said.
And it was at this point he ‘tried to do the unthinkable and not wake up the next day’.
"I passed out that night and woke up on the 20th of March and I still to this day do not know what came over me," he said.
"All I know is I was done with it all. I thought 'right, I can't do this anymore', it was a random wake-up call.
"My parents came into my hotel room, I think it was my birthday, and they found me on the floor with my door wide open having a seizure."
Sean was rushed off in an ambulance and doctors discovered that at just 27, he had ‘liver hepatitis, inflamed spleen, psoriasis of the liver, kidney damage and pancreatitis’.
'I hit rock bottom so hard'
While he was in hospital, the lad says his urine went a ‘black bloody colour’ and his entire appearance changed.
"I was yellow all over from head to toe, my organs were shutting down on me," he said. "I still don't know how I'm still alive. I saw the yellow in my eye to begin with but didn't care."
Within four days in the hospital, Sean was ‘completely yellow’.
"I was yellow for a good three months. It took about three months until my eyes were back to a normal colour," he continued.
"Everyone was looking at me and calling me Simpsons' characters but I just laughed it off. I hit rock bottom so hard I couldn't care anymore."
'If I can push through it, anyone can'
After spending two months in rehab following his discharge, Sean is now 11 months sober and working with others struggling with alcoholism and gives them the message: "There will always be a light at the end of the tunnel no matter what you think. If I can push through it, anyone can.
"My life has changed in ways I can't even explain. I got my family back, a steady income, and friends who are good for me."
Why does the body turn yellow?
The body can turn yellow if there’s too much bilirubin in the blood. Bilirubin is a yellow substance produced when the body breaks down old red blood cells.
The liver normally processes bilirubin but if it’s damaged or inflamed, it can’t. This means that it builds up in the blood and instead deposits in the skin and the whites of the eyes, giving them a yellow appearance - a condition called jaundice.
Please drink responsibly. If you want to discuss any issues relating to alcohol in confidence, contact Drinkline on 0300 123 1110, 9am–8pm weekdays and 11am–4pm weekends for advice and support.
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, please don’t suffer alone. Call Samaritans for free on their anonymous 24-hour phone line on 116 123 or contact Harmless by visiting their website https://harmless.org.uk.
Topics: Mental Health, Alcohol, Health
Jess Battison