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Featured Image Credit: Youtube/Diary of a CEO / Getty Stock Image
Topics: Health, Lifestyle, Sex and Relationships
Joe Harker
Topics: Health, Lifestyle, Sex and Relationships
A sex expert has busted some myths about the no-pants dance which you might have been thinking about.
It turns out that people think about sex quite a lot, and especially worry about whether they're doing it right or not compared to everyone else.
Sex is a topic upon which the human race can be both simultaneously tight-lipped and talkative.
You probably wouldn't just start asking people you come across in everyday life how much sex they're having each week, but there's plenty of experts who know a thing or two about a thing or two who'll happily speak about it.
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One of those is Dr Karen Gurney, clinical psychologist and sex expert, who appeared on the Diary of a CEO podcast to share some of the wisdom she'd learned in over 20 years of helping couples tackle the problems getting in the way of glorious bonking.
They say that comparison is the thief of joy and Dr Gurney wanted to target 'one of the big myths' people have about a joyous sex life, and that's frequency.
She explained that 'everyone says three times a week' but denounced that as an 'urban myth', saying that people who weren't banging with such regularity might be feeling like they weren't getting it on enough.
However, for those relationships where you don't rock each other's world three times a week on a consistent basis then fear not, because you aren't doing it wrong.
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Dr Gurney explained: "It's actually drastically different than that, the average times people in the UK and it's replicated around the world.
"What's fascinating is we're using frequency as a yardstick of a good sex life. There's no correlation between the frequency of sex and sexual satisfaction.
"You could be having sex once a year that completely blows your socks off, makes you feel alive, makes you feel super connected, that's really exploratory where you lose yourself in it.
"That is better than having sex once a day where you're not enjoying it, your mind's not in it, it's not pleasurable, you're feeling disconnected. You're feeling awkward."
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The doc explained that the average British couple was doing the horizontal bop about three times a month, but digging into the data showed that you got that figure because Brits were bonking on a wide range of frequencies.
There were relationships that hadn't had sex in months 'and were quite happy with that' as well as 'plenty of people having sex more'.
She noted that the truth about how often people were having sex was quite different to people's perceptions and expectations.
Dr Gurney noted that pretty much everyone wanted to be having 'more sex, better sex' than their current status.
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One of the main things she identified as making sex worse in relationships was pressure to perform or to meet some kind of expectation.
"Pressure is a total passion killer," she said, and that the foundation of the problem was not being able to talk about pressures around sex.
Basically, communication is always going to be important in your sex life and you shouldn't go around worrying that you're not living up to a sort of standard