• iconNews
  • videos
  • entertainment
  • Home
  • News
    • UK News
    • US News
    • Australia
    • Ireland
    • World News
    • Weird News
    • Viral News
    • Sport
    • Technology
    • Science
    • True Crime
    • Travel
  • Entertainment
    • Celebrity
    • TV & Film
    • Netflix
    • Music
    • Gaming
    • TikTok
  • LAD Originals
    • Say Maaate to a Mate
    • Daily Ladness
    • Lad Files
    • UOKM8?
    • FreeToBe
    • Extinct
    • Citizen Reef
  • Advertise
  • Terms
  • Privacy & Cookies
  • LADbible Group
  • UNILAD
  • SPORTbible
  • GAMINGbible
  • Tyla
  • UNILAD Tech
  • FOODbible
  • License Our Content
  • About Us & Contact
  • Jobs
  • Latest
  • Topics A-Z
  • Authors
Facebook
Instagram
X
Threads
Snapchat
TikTok
YouTube

LAD Entertainment

YouTube

LAD Stories

Submit Your Content
The psychological reason why you are attracted to your best mate's partner

Home> Lifestyle

Updated 20:03 26 Sep 2023 GMT+1Published 19:59 26 Sep 2023 GMT+1

The psychological reason why you are attracted to your best mate's partner

While it feels very wrong, there is actually a psychological reason why many of us seem to be attracted to our best mate's partner.

Callum Jones

Callum Jones

If you've felt an instant attraction after meeting your pal's new girlfriend or boyfriend, you're certainly not alone.

It's a feeling you really don't want to be experiencing, especially when it's your best mate and you can see they are happy.

But while you may feel pretty bad about the way you are feeling, fear not, as there's actually a scientific reason why you feel this attraction.

Advert

The psychological phenomenon has it's own name - yep, that's right.

It's known as 'mimetic desire' - a term coined by the French philosopher and literary theorist René Girard - who came up with it due his own experiences. We've all been there, brother.

But in all seriousness, the theory is based on his own experience of 'desire according to another', inspired by philosophers that came before him.

Girard penned in a Standford essay that those who emulate the desires of others - so in this case fancying your best mate's partner - are 'ensuring for themselves lives of perpetual strife and rivalry with those whom they simultaneously hate and admire'.

Advert

But once a person becomes the enemy, yep, strong words, then the third stage of 'mimetic rivalry' commences, when you and your friend are competing over the same thing.

Ever fancied your best mate's partner? Well, you're not alone.
Pexels

Mimetic desire doesn't always involve romantic relationships, though there are certainly some famous examples of the theory coming into play when it comes to those feelings.

Some have even been documented in famous songs such as Eric Clapton's 'Layla' track, which delved deep into his obsession with his best friend and Beatle George Harrison’s wife Pattie Boyd.

Pattie did actually leave George for Eric - a prime example of mimetic desire coming to fruition.

Advert

In TV and film, the desire was mentioned in the HBO series The White Lotus, as Ethan accused his best pal Cameron of flirting with wife Harper as he 'always wanted what he had'.

Ethan accused his pal of what is seen as mimetic desire.
HBO

While it may sound like pretty dangerous territory to enter into, mimetic desire appears to be a rather important social tool.

Speaking to IFLScience, Barbara Burt, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and program chair at the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Phoenix in Arizona, said: "Mimetic desire exists because we are social beings who are constantly building and creating our identity.

"It is often hard for people to resist the lure of mimetic desire and it can even be insatiable because it is hardwired in our biology to have a sense of belonging."

Advert

Psychologist Nicole Monteiro added that fancying your mate's partner is actually quite common and will naturally fade with time.

She told the same publication: "If a person desires their best friend's partner, they don’t have to think they’re a bad person. As long as the person doesn’t act in the desire."

So there you have it, no need to worry about those feelings towards a pal's partner. It's perfectly normal...

Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Photo

Topics: Sex and Relationships, Science

Callum Jones
Callum Jones

Advert

Advert

Advert

Choose your content:

2 hours ago
a day ago
2 days ago
  • 2 hours ago

    Cruise regular shares reality of cruises at night that you probably wouldn't expect

    Maybe don't step out onto the deck at night

    Lifestyle
  • a day ago

    American Airlines pilot explains why take off makes him more nervous than landing

    You're not alone if you get nervous during take off. Your pilot might be nervous too.

    Lifestyle
  • a day ago

    Cruise ship worker shares payslip revealing true amount he gets paid per month in 2025

    YouTuber and crew member Chris Wong has worked on cruise ships since 2013

    Lifestyle
  • 2 days ago

    Brits urged to check specific passport detail before holiday or risk being turned away

    It could ruin your holiday if you're not careful

    Lifestyle
  • Relationship coach explains why you should stop saying 'I love you' to your partner
  • Sex expert explains worrying reason people are having less sex following warning to couples
  • Experts reveal 10 things you should never say to your partner if you want your relationship to survive
  • Four signs your partner is cheating on you, according to private investigator