Advert

WikiHow: The Place On The Internet Where You Can Learn To Do Anything

Published 
| Last updated 

WikiHow: The Place On The Internet Where You Can Learn To Do Anything

Have you ever sat there and thought, damn. I wish there was a guide to life.

I don't know how to change a tyre, I don't know how to come across sincere when I'm complimenting someone's hair, and you know those Magic Eye books? I haven't got a fucking clue how to use them.

Well, luckily for you the Internet is an awesome place, full of information and endless tips and tricks to better your lives. If you need a tutorial on something, head over to YouTube. For absolutely everything else in the world - go to wikiHow.

You've probably come across this page at some point in your life. Maybe when you've Googled something particularly obscure. Up comes the oddly-shit illustrations and the familiar logo. But what the fuck is it?

Advert

It's been subject to quite a bit of piss-taking over the years. To be completely honest, I thought it was a satire site for a long time. I avoided it completely. However, it's completely legitimate. The 'how-to' guides featured on it are 100% serious. Although you'd be forgiven for thinking otherwise as some of the titles are just so unbelievable.

Let's take a look at some of the best guides...

Are you sick of being invited everywhere constantly and not having time to binge-watch Love on Netflix? Is your phone forever buzzing with notifications from a variety of different social media platforms? Does your personality naturally gravitate others to you and you're just fucking sick of it? Don't worry. There's a guide on how to be an annoying prick.

Advert

Tips include such gems as: "Sing. Don't just sing, sing horribly, kind of like a walrus dying of suffocation. Aka, really bad. Also, make it a really annoying song."

And this particular gem: "Poke the person constantly. When they look over at you, hide behind your hands. As if by hiding your face in your hands, they won't see you. Then repeat."

Advert

I have no idea why this is a thing. Perhaps it'd come in useful if you were catfishing someone? I don't know. But it's completely bonkers.

Advice includes: "Start a conversation with 'what's happenin, laah'. (translation: Hello mate. Pronounce the laa as laaaa and the a sound is like the a in 'apple' not like the a in 'argue') anyway forget the sound ar.. for the word and you will be fine."

Also: "End the conversation with 'In a bit kidda', no one says 'peace out.' in Liverpool."

Advert

You know what it's like. You're in school, or a meeting, or the queue to pay for your Nando's, when all of a sudden you feel the familiar sensation of an unwanted erection. It's awkward. Potentially embarrassing. What do you do?

wikiHow to the rescue.

  • Place your hand into your pocket and pin your erection close to your body
  • Hold a large item, such as a book or folder, over the erection
  • Excuse yourself and go for a walk
  • Hold something cold in your lap
  • Distract yourself. Read or watch something that will take your mind off of your predicament
Advert

As a woman, I've personally never suffered with this particular faux pas, but I sympathise.

FINALLY. A guide to sexting. Just what we always wanted. I'm not even being sarcastic, some people really need this guide.

Oh wait.

They write: "If the girl you're texting says she's studying sex ed, you can ask if you can come over for a 'hands on' tutorial."

Here are some other things you can say to up the ante:

  • Hang on, let me put on some clothes.
  • It's so hot in here. I'm going to take my shirt off.
  • What are you wearing on this balmy night?
  • What if I showed you what I meant?
  • Can you guess the color of my underwear?

Please, for the love of all that is holy, don't initiate sexting by asking what someone's wearing on 'this balmy night' or by asking them to guess the colour of your underwear. Jesus. No-one wants to picture your greying boxers with the rip down one side.

They then suggest some more interesting ice-breakers:

  • I took off all my clothes. I'm just lying under a blanket now.
  • I'd text you, but I'd rather close my eyes and imagine you were here.
  • What would you do if you were next to me?
  • It's freezing in here. Why don't you come keep me warm?
  • Sorry it's taking a while to text you back. My hands are a little busy.

My favourite part is the way that they suggest you end it:

  • Don't just say, 'Bye!' or 'See ya!' when you're done texting. Say, 'I can't wait to text you again soon'. Or, 'I'll get in touch with you on another hot, lonely night'. Make the person want to hear more from you.

To be completely fair to them, sexting is difficult. And any guide is going to sound cheesy. So fair play to them for giving it a go.

There's a little insight into the deep, dark pages on wikiHow.

As of February 2015, it had over 180,000 how-to articles. So if you're looking for a guide on something, they probably have it.

Featured Image Credit: WikiHow

Topics: Strange

Mel Ramsay
More like this
Advert
Advert
Advert

Chosen for YouChosen for You

Entertainment

Elon Musk Reveals He And Grimes Have 'Semi-Separated'

20 hours ago

Most Read StoriesMost Read

News

DVLA Reveals List Of Banned '71' Number Plates

3 days ago