Look at that picture. That's a kangaroo and a half, isn't it? I wouldn't want to go 12 rounds with that beast. I mean, apart from Skippy, they are pretty menacing in general, but get a load of this flex...
Credit: Facebook / Kangaroo Sanctuary
His name's Roger. He weighs a whopping 89kg and stands 2.007m tall from top to tail. Residing at The Kangaroo Sanctuary, Alice Springs in the Northern Territory in Australia, when he's bored he crushes tin buckets with his bare hands. As you do.
Speaking about him to the Daily Mail, one of his keepers said: "His daily exercise regime is sparring [kickboxing] his rivals and chasing his human 'Mum', me. Don't mess with a "Big Red" [red kangaroo], they'll disembowel you... or worse."
I'm sure we've all seen Danny Dyer's classic series, Britain's Deadliest Men, and had a look at the day-to-day life of some of the country's tough guys, but here's how I imagine a day in the life of an Australian 'roo that is built like a brick shithouse.
Credit: Facebook / Kangaroo Sanctuary
08:00: Wakes up hungover from the 12 pints he smashed the night before. Some twerp of a zoo keeper is trying to feed him some shit he doesn't want. He gives him a growl - "none of the rabbit food for me, geez" - and gets into the ear of his missus - "get the eggs on, luv."
09:00: Eight eggs. 200g Oats. Blueberries, strawberries and avocado.
11:00: Hits the gym. There's not any of the fancy equipment in the Kangaroo Sanctuary but he'll just lift a few boulders instead.
12:00: 400g Beef. 400g Sweet potatoes. Handful of spinach greens.
14:30: This hangover is really doing his nut in, so he finds a tree to chill under. If anyone - human or animal - looks at him funny then he'll spark them out.
15:00: Got a bit of time for lifting a boulder or two.
15:50: Take a load of steroids bcca and glutamine.
16:00: 400g Chicken. 400g potatoes. Greens and some fruit.
17:30: Meets his mate, Terrance, for the first drink of the day. He's a bit daft but he's a mate so he's safe. Sink a couple of jars before getting back for tea.
18:00: 150g oats. Two bananas. 150g Rice Krispies. Frozen berries, handful of almonds, peanut butter and glutamine.
19:00: Take a load of steroids bcca and glutamine.
A kangaroo fight. Credit: YouTube / Poonzerish
19:30: The keepers are looking at him and he's really not staying on his good side so he goes and finds some tin bucket to crush. Looks the keeper dead in the eyes as he's crushing them - "You fackin' wot, m8?"
20:00: Get down the pub for a few more pints. After an hour or so it starts getting to him a bit and some other 'roo called Wallace has been eyeing up his missus, so he goes and tells him that if he looks at her again - "he'll kick his head in."
21:30: Home for a bit more munch. Six eggs. Avacado, 40g almonds and 70g peanut butter.
22:00: Back on the sesh before kicking out time. Terrance is there and so's that 'roo from earlier.
Roger don't want no trouble, but if someone else is starting something he ain't gonna back down, is he? He's drunk a fair few and the bloke at the bar tries telling him he's had enough. Next thing, Wallace has got his arm on his back telling him it's time he left. Well, he's not having none of that. He spits in his pint, roughs him up and chucks him out.
23:00: Doner Kebab. Stops by the takeaway on the way home. He's gotta have a treat, occasionally, hasn't he?
How about that then, do you reckon you could take Roger?
Featured image credit: Facebook / Kangaroo Sanctuary
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