Man Shoves Samosa Up Bum To Smuggle Into Prison Cell
Don't get me wrong, the most unthinkable thing about being locked up is being denied easy access to samosas.
But is it really worth sticking one up your ar** so you can nibble on it in your cell? Would a samosa still be remotely appetising once it's been up your bum?
Well 'yes and yes' is the answer to those questions, according to one detainee.
Inspector Manj Ahir, from West Midlands Police's Criminal Justice Department, recounted the memorable discovery while looking back on a busy year for his team.
He said: "We've had a few odd incidents. One that sticks in my mind was a man found with a samosa secreted between his buttocks during a search.
"He said he wanted to sneak it into the cell as a snack as he'd didn't think the food was up to much. He'd obviously not read our positive Trip Advisor reviews!"
You can shove your positive Trip Advisor reviews up your ar** - if there's no samar**rs on the menu, he's not interested.
Inspector Ahir had some more pleasant encounters with detainees last year too.
He said: "A man was booked in with us in Oldbury just after midnight on 6 December for an assault. He was in his 40s but hadn't ever been arrested before.
More Like ThisMore Like This
"He had type 2 diabetes so he was checked over by the custody nurse, we got his meds from home and took his bloods through the night. He also saw an alcohol referral worker as he'd had a drink for the first time in six years, which he believe led to the arrest.
"A few days later he turned up at the Oldbury block with chocolates to say thanks for the care he received from the staff. It was a lovely gesture."
These were just two of 45,719 detainees booked into West Midlands Police's custody facilities between 1 January and 30 December 2020.
Inspector Ahir said: "It's been a year like no other for us with significant demand, processing an average of 126 detainees a day, while adhering to Covid-19 protocols.
"The team have done brilliantly, though, and our waiting times to book people into custody are the lowest nationally.
"And we've been supported brilliantly by external agencies who provide healthcare, including mental health support, plus access to things like substance abuse treatment and programmes aimed at stopping re-offending.
"We've also been leading the way nationally by introducing virtual remand hearings with suspects 'appearing' in court via video link live from our custody suites.
"Almost 1,200 suspects have been dealt with this way in the three months to the end of November. It's sped up the process and reduced our physical contact with the courts, thus reducing the risk of spreading coronavirus."
Featured Image Credit: PA
Chosen for YouChosen for You
Most Read StoriesMost Read