With a heavy heart, and a due sense of exhaustion and dread, we bring you the news that you can now buy a pair of Crocs that have miniature 'fanny packs' on the back of them.
Yes, that's right. You heard.
To explain - or to at least try to explain - the shockingly popular shoe brand has teamed up with the Japanese fashion company 'Beams' to bring you the accessory that you never knew that you needed, or wanted, or even imagined.
Basically, if you think the idea of walking around wearing a pair of Crocs is perfectly acceptable and would also like to carry around your valuables in a tiny pouch on the back of them, you finally have that chance.
The zip-up pockets on the back of your brand new 'Beams x Crocs' are big enough to hold your keys, your credit card and the lingering scrap of dignity that you've managed to hang onto.
They come in two 'vibrant' colours - Ultraviolet and Tropical Teal - and retail at about $53 (£40) should you wish to get your hands and feet on a pair.
If you're looking at these and thinking, 'Yeah, these just aren't garish enough for me,' then you're in for a treat.
Trust me, we have the solution to that.
Beams and Crocs have also teamed up to create a traditional Croc clog that has something that resembles a see-through visor on the top of it.
By 'something that resembles', we of course mean it's got a golf visor stuck onto the front of it.
Worried? You should be.
Fortunately, these shoes do actually come in more traditional colours. You'll be able to get these in either black or white for that same $53 (£40) price tag.
Whoa, though. If these two hellish creations don't float your boat, don't worry! There is third style.
Yes, for the truly adventurous folk out there, there is a moccasin-style Croc with a beaded fringe. If you absolutely need to wear your Crocs to that latest line-dancing lesson, or down to that big village hoedown that is penned into your calendar, how about these?
Giving off vaguely cowboy vibes, these beaded suede additions will really make a statement. Exactly what that statement means is anyone's guess.
Oh, and these are slightly more expensive, retailing at $68 (£52).
Bring on the end of the universe - we're ready now.