If you’re the kind of person who is given over to beliefs about historical horses**t, perhaps you’d like to know what the famous mystic Nostradamus said we have in store for us over the next year?
Well, either way, we’re doing it, so you might as well strap yourself in for some wild speculation from hundreds of years ago.
Now Nostradamus - Michel de Nostredame to his friends - came up with all of his predictions more than 450 years ago in a tome entitled Les Prophéties.
People have suggested previously that he’s successfully predicted things like the rise of Hitler and the Nazi Party in Germany back in the 1930s, right through to the September 11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center towers in New York.
Whether you’re taken in by all of that is up to you, but it’s interesting to think about, regardless.
Nostradamus wrote down his ‘predictions’ in a series of four-line poems called quatrains, and there’s f***ing loads of them.
Whether you believe it or not, there have been some fairly prescient things predicted by the French mystic over the years.
That being said, a busted clock is right twice each day.
So, what can we expect this year?
Well, the first jolly prediction seems to suggest that an asteroid could smash into the earth, although he’s been barking up that tree for a long time.
Keep saying it enough times and it might just come true once, right?
He said ‘fire do I see that from the sky shall fall’, which is something to look forward to at least, isn’t it?
There’s more good news too, as he reckons that rising prices of goods will lead to global starvation and hunger.
Brilliant, we’ve not got enough bad news.
The Frenchman said: “No abbots, monks, no novices to learn,
“Honey shall cost far more than candle-wax
“So high the price of wheat,
“That man is stirred
“His fellow man to eat in his despair”
Brexit is going well then, Nostradamus?
In a slightly more out-there interpretation, Nostradamus has been said to have also predicted that 2022 could be the year that the robots finally catch up with us and take over.
Bear with here, but he explained: “The Moon in the full of night over the high mountain,
“The new sage with a lone brain sees it:
“By his disciples invited to be immortal,
“Eyes to the south. Hands in bosoms, bodies in the fire.”
So, is that ‘new sage’ that has been ‘invited to be immortal’ the spectre of technology?
Are we going to end up as the ‘bodies in the fire’ then?
We’ll just have to wait and see.
One thing that we can all agree on is that the climate crisis is something that needs addressing, and Nostradamus has a prediction for that, too.
He said: “Like the sun the head shall sear the shining sea:
“The Black Sea’s living fish shall all but boil.
“When Rhodes and Genoa
“Half-starved shall be
“The local folk to cut them up shall toil.”
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, folks.