Expert reveals what to do if you’re stuck in a ‘push-pull’ relationship

If the power dynamic in your relationship has become unbalanced and started causing issues, you may be stuck in a 'push-pull' cycle.

This cycle can be exhausting and difficult for both partners, but thankfully an expert has outlined exactly what to do if you're looking to break this unhealthy pattern.

What is a push-pull relationship?

In this cycle, one person craves intimacy while the other actively avoids it, creating a shift in the power dynamic in the relationship.

It may begin with the avoider having less enthusiasm for the relationship and spending less time with their other half.

This prompts the person craving intimacy to begin to panic at the thought of losing their partner and being alone, therefore increasing the attention they pay them.

However, if the avoider continues to back further away while the other partner is actively looking for more effort, this creates a 'push-pull' cycle.

This cycle can present itself in a series of ways and the roles may continue to switch between the partners, yet it is nearly always toxic for everyone involved.

There are ways to break the 'push-pull' cycle in your relationship. Getty Stock Image

How to get out of the push-pull cycle

Luckily, Michelle Begy, MD and founder of matchmaking service Ignite Dating, has all the answers, and it's actually quite simple.

Speaking to Stylist, Michelle said: “If you are struggling with a push-pull relationship, try to maintain consistency in your own behaviour. It is tempting, and understandable, to react in kind but this will make things worse.”

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Michelle went on to explain that insecurity can be the driving force behind someone seeking more from their partner, especially if they are looking for validation or having 'anxiety around being too vulnerable'.

Relationships being unbalanced can prompt anxiety and a need for more commitment, but this can cause others to withdraw in a bid to recover the balance.

The expert advised trying to give your partner 'security and stability', which can be provided through being 'consistent' and 'predictable' in your behaviour.

An unbalanced power dynamic may put strain on your relationship. Getty Stock Image

She sympathised with those in the push-pull cycle however, as she notes that this situation is 'not always deliberate' but 'frequently exhausting'.

Michelle added that there is often 'no apparent trigger' for the fluctuations, but it can be 'bewildering' for those involved.

All relationships will encounter problems from time to time, and if the positives outweigh the negatives then there is always room to work on it.

Yet, it takes two people to mend a relationship and break a toxic cycle, therefore one partner cannot be solely responsible.

Topics: Sex and Relationships

Danni King