It's Lonely Being A 'Real-Life Barbie' According To 'Human Doll' With 'No Friends'
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Some would say if you're over the age of 10 (12 at a push) and own any dolls at all (heirlooms exempt), you need to reconsider what you're doing with your life.
Enter Tatiana 'Tanya' Tuzova, who owns a collection of 1,520 Barbie dolls worth £120,000 ($156k), wants to change her family name to 'Barbie' and dresses only in pink - yet claims to have a lonely life.
Tatiana, 32, wants to get hundreds more of the Barbie figures but is adamant that she's not obsessed - well, of course.
Admitting she's lonely, the five-times-married Russian Barbie said: "I don't have friends. I have no time to be friends. I like being alone, no-one interferes with my thoughts, I like my world. I have a husband, he is my best friend."
Humans are well over-rated though, we do get that.
The Russian Barbie's entire life revolves around her chosen lifestyle, as she pointed out: "I work, record songs, do gigs, receive awards, produce clothes for children and grown-up girls, and rent out a photo studio." Naturally, it is all Barbie related.
Tatiana continued: "All of my everyday clothes are pink. I don't get tired of pink, it has lots of shades." She's got a point, we guess.
She admits she had a boob job to enlarge her breasts after giving birth to her son, Zhenya, now 11.
She continued: "I enlarged my breasts. It was awful after pregnancy and I had to have it fixed."
Her husband - who she says is her fifth - is a medic but she declined to name him, adding: "He is a doctor and can fix your back." Reassuring...
She went on to say: "We met at his work and then I conquered him with my karaoke voice. Now he makes me Barbie-style presents - recently it was a pink Mini Cabrio."
Tatiana became a 'full-time Barbie' after she wanted to become a nursery school teacher but could not live on the monthly salary of £71 ($92) plus £22 ($28) for also working as a cleaner. We can't say we blame her, tbh.
She explained: "It was too sad to imagine my beautiful self cleaning floors. Barbie is [not my job; it is] a lifestyle.
"When I am insulted on the Internet, I tell people: 'I don't drink or smoke or swear. I instill a healthy lifestyle to children.'"
But people are not interested in her inner world, she complained: "They are not interested how many kind and good things I've done. They have to know my age, how many times I was married, what surgeries I had, and the colour of my underwear."
But she believes she is unique. That's one word for it, I suppose.
"The most important thing is to have your individuality," she said, while looking exactly like Barbie. "Everyone is the same now. But it is hard to copy me.
"I've been working on my style for many years and invested a lot of money into it."
We're not sure many will be copying any time soon - and let's face it, they wouldn't match up to Tatiana, she doesn't have a thing to worry about.