You've met the bloke who claims to have Britain's biggest penis, now let me introduce you to his comrade in arms... the man with the largest ding-a-ling on the planet.
There is only 1.5 inches between Matt Barr and Jonah Falcon, but it's the latter who tops the leaderboard of internationally well-endowed men.
You can think of Falcon as the Brit's bigger, bolder and American older brother in the world of unusually lengthy penises.
Take a look at this:
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The 53-year-old claims to have an appendage which can easily outdo any other fella's, as it stands to attention at a whopping 13.5 inches when erect.
He says that this allowed him to master the art of autofellatio as a teenager, but he can no longer partake in this hobby due to his crippling 'upper back pain'.
God works in mysterious ways, eh?
Anyway, Falcon has been basking in the worldwide fame his huge k**b has brought him for the last 25 years, as his appearance in the 1999 HBO documentary Private Dicks: Men Exposed thrust him into the spotlight.
This was followed up by an interview on the The Howard Stern Show, as well as the Channel 4 programme The World's Biggest Penis a few years later.
Falcon made some pretty audacious claims on these shows - including that he is able to completely envelop a doorknob with his foreskin... which is information that I'm sure we all could have happily gone on without knowing.
Although his massive penis grants him the ability to perform some weird party tricks, Falcon admits that there are also plenty of drawbacks to having an extra long third leg.
But let's start with the good stuff first.
During a previous interview with Men's Health, Falcon explained that he enjoys not having to worry about being at the opposite end of the spectrum and having a todger that is too small, which is a fear a lot of men have.
He said: "I don't have that insecurity, and I think I have a more open mind because I'm not constantly trying to prove myself.
"I don't need a fancy car, I don't need a gun, I happily wear a mask, and so on, because I don't have to prove my masculinity to anyone else. I'll wear all pink, dammit!"
But despite the fact he doesn't need a Lamborghini or a deadly weapon to make him feel good about himself, Falcon does need special 'incognito' pants and a lot of patience.
He said that the worst part of having a massive manhood and the entire world knowing about it is the 'preconceptions' people now have about him.
Falcon continued: "For some reason, having 13-plus inches means I'm a bad person, or I'm egotistic, or I'm a porn star, or I'm dumb, or I'm a slut. Also, I'm sick and tired of having people wanting me to measure it in front of them.
"I've done it 10,000 times - enough already!"
On top of that, the Yank doesn't exactly enjoy being so tight for room in his trousers and explained it was one of the most challenging aspects to having massive genitalia that people wouldn't necessarily think of.
He said: "My balls are proportionate in size, so I wrap my c**k off to the left so I don't have all that squeezing.
"I have my 'incognito' pants that are baggy, and I put my wallet in the left pocket [to hide my penis from being visible through my pants]."
Oh, what a life.
Signing off with some advice for men who would kill to be in his shoes, Falcon said: "A hot bod and a winning personality will attract far more than a large c**k if you're looking for sex.
"No one cares if you have a small c**k except yourself. Don't bring it up, and if they make comments, just show how experienced you are at using your mouth."
Topics: World News, US News, Weird, Health
Olivia Burke