The Ultimate Valentine's Day Gift Has Arrived - The Beard Bouquet
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Your partner has already seen what your facial fuzz is capable of doing. There's only one solution.
Yes, it's the Beard Bouquet. Because actual flowers are so 2018.
Clip these nine beautiful blossoms into your majestic face fuzz and let them work their magic. The clips are super comfortable as well, so they won't tug or pull, meaning wearing them all day is definitely an option... if you decide it's a look that's too good to save for your date alone.
We're not here to make any promises, but these will provide the ultimate fertiliser for your blossoming romance and it's almost a dead cert that you'll be theirs forever.
Look at it. How could this fail?
The floral display might look radiant, but the flowers themselves aren't actually real, meaning they will last infinitely longer than those £5 petrol station daffodils you've got your eye on.
The beard accessories are available to pre-order exclusively at Firebox.com for £10.99 ($14).
You will get nine of the flowers to arrange accordingly - and who could resist a man with a face of beautiful, romantic roses? Only a fucking mug, that's who.
And if you're concerned about where you can take your partner to show off your beardy bling, we've got that covered too.
Yep, you guessed it. Wetherspoon's. Bish bash bosh.
Forget about whisking your better half away for a romantic weekend or booking a table at the best restaurant in town - instead, we give you the Wetherspoon Valentine's Day meal for two.
Why go to all that bother when you could stroll round to your local Spoons and have a steamy candle-lit dinner with your other half?
Maybe bring your own mood lighting, though, because I've never seen a candle in Spoons. Well, unless you're thinking about the old boy in the corner, unashamedly lighting his cigarette like it's pre-2008 and staff aren't about to remind him that he can't actually do that on the premises.
For just £20, the British chain is offering couples a selection of mains - including steak - plus two drinks and two desserts.
So you're saving a bucket load of cash! Oh, and you get to spend some quality time with your significant other, which I guess could be nice as well.
And for an extra fiver you can also get a bottle of Prosecco to share.
What a delight it will be for your other half when they watch the candle set your floral beard on fire. Don't say we didn't warn you.