Sex Therapist Explains Why A Bloke’s Girlfriend Masturbates After Sex

It can be a soul-crushing experience to find out that your partner didn't orgasm during sex. As a bloke, it immediately calls into question your sexual prowess, your worth as a man, your very existence. For a bit.

But orgasms aren't as comparatively straightforward for females and that might mean they do things a bit differently to reach a climax.

One guy was so confused about his partner's sexual activity after sex that he was compelled to ask the Guardian's resident psychotherapist Pamela Stephenson Connolly what to do. This bloke's specific predicament was that he was confused as to why his girlfriend of nine months wanted to masturbate after they finished doing the deed.

He asked what he should do to remedy the situation because he genuinely thought something was going wrong somewhere.

The first thing Connolly wanted to point out is that there's nothing at all 'wrong' here.

"Such behaviour is very common, and you need not worry that she secretly dislikes making love with you," she replied.

"Many women crave a second orgasm, especially if she has been super-aroused during intercourse. Perhaps she doesn't want to bother you for that extra pleasuring, or maybe she is afraid you might think her too demanding.

"Many people - male and female - find the type of orgasm they have during masturbation (for women, often clitorally focussed) to be qualitatively different from what is experienced during lovemaking.

"They find masturbation produces a deeply satisfying orgasm without the anxiety that can accompany partner sex."

She says if he's really that concerned about the situation, he should ask his girlfriend exactly what she would want him to do and if he simply cannot follow those orders then he should simply hit the shower like he usually does.

While that's seems like a nice piece of advice, many people in the comments weren't quite convinced that she needed a second orgasm and suggested it was because she hadn't actually experienced the first one.

If you flip through men's and women's magazines, there will be plenty of techniques, guides, suggestions and troubleshooting answers on how to give the 'perfect orgasm'. But truth be told, it's all bollocks.

Everyone is different, with different likes, dislikes, favourite positions and moves.

The best way to get someone to climax is not follow any 'three-step process', but ask them what works for them and work with them - rather than copying what you see in porn. Most women (70-80 percent) achieve climax from direct clitoral stimulation, which isn't always achieved during penetration alone.

For guys, it's pretty simple and can be pretty quick - but some women need a lot longer to warm up before getting that big O.