'Tolyamory' is new worrying relationship term that means you might have to end it
It's certainly a tricky situation to be in
Tolyamory is the latest in a long list of terms which are changing what it means to be in a relationship, and this one might just be one to worry about.
Having a romantic partner once meant making that other person the object of all your desires but Bob Dylan said it best when he sang that the times are a changing.
In 2026, it's certainly a growing trend that people now open up their relationships or marriages through things like swinging or soft-swapping, sometimes even heading to cruise ships or festivals to carry out the deed.
Some folks have even explored open relationships live on TV in this wonderful era of entertainment, which goes to show how much it's in the public eye.
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Naturally, there will always be cases where one partner is more into the practice of polyamory than the other, and it's cases where one half of the relationship simply tolerates their partner cheating or sleeping around that the new term of tolyamory has come about.
It can also refer to reluctantly accepting your partner's infidelity in order to preserve a relationship, even though some cynics might suggest that letting them get away with cheating once means they are almost certain to do it again.
The term 'tolyamorous' was seemingly coined by podcaster and relationship columnist Dan Savage. He first introduced the term in an episode of his podcast, “Savage Lovecast:”
He explained: “[It’s] someone willing to turn a blind eye to a lap dance or a brief affair after years of marriage. They’re able to focus on all the ways their spouse demonstrates their commitment and shows their love. And all of those other ways compensate or make the cheating that might be happening tolerable.
“These people aren’t fools or dupes,” he continued. “They’re not to be pitied—they know what they signed up for and long ago made peace with what they got. They’re willing to put up with it—a certain amount of it—reconciled to it, willing to tolerate it. They are, in a word, tolyamorous.”
Perhaps the most famous example of tolyamory could arguably be that of Hilary and Bill Clinton, with the former staying with her husband despite his much-discussed affair with Monica Lewinsky.
It's easy to see why people would be willing to forgive, especially when the relationship has lasted a long time and there are lots of factors to take in, but if you're feeling like you've experienced 'tolyamory', then it might be time to call a relationship quits.
Not everyone is too keen on the term however, with 'tolyamory' a hot topic on Reddit.
One user wrote: “This is a stupid term. It’s just cheating that hasn’t blown up a relationship. We don’t need made-up words in order to remove judgment from the partner who chose to cheat.”
Another said: “Yet another attempt at blurring the distinction between cheating [and] ethical non-monogamy. Oh joy.”
So, while it might seem similar in practice, there's actually a big distinction between ethical non-monogamy and tolyamory.
James Moorhouse