The manager of Europe's largest legal brothel has laid down the four big rules anyone wanting to visit will have to follow if they're going to be allowed to come in.
Former PhD student Catherine De Noire hasn't publicly disclosed the location of her brothel, but she has spoken often about the sort of things people get up to once they're admitted.
She's explained that some of their most regular clientele are married men, as she reckons they're having an 'absence of physical intimacy', and that their establishment is a far cry from the 'fake fur and gold chains' she had initially imagined before she started working there.
Meanwhile, she's said that British men aren't particularly popular since they're often on stag parties and extremely drunk, and their boasting of their sexual prowess often doesn't line up with what she hears from the sex workers afterwards.
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She has rules for deciding who can work there, but Catherine has also explained her four rules which clients must follow despite their attempts to get around them.
No pets
Many places of business won't let you bring your pets in, and Catherine's brothel is much the same for obvious reasons.
While guests are otherwise occupied, it would be a bad idea for them to have animals hanging around the building, but that doesn't mean people don't try.
Catherine explained that 'one woman managed to smuggle in an entire fish tank'.
Quite why you'd want to smuggle a fish tank into a brothel we're sure we don't know, nor how you'd actually succeed before someone spotted what you were doing.
'Appropriate clothing'
While some of the stag dos come in wearing 'penis costumes', there are supposed to be rules on 'appropriate clothing' which people keep breaking.
However, Catherine says if there's any one thing she's learned, it's that there's no such thing as 'normal' and somebody once showed up decked out in a 'full polar bear costume'.
When it comes to sex, there really is something for everyone, even if that something is dressing up in a polar bear costume and heading for a brothel.
No witchcraft
This one sounds pretty weird, but you have to remember that for every strange warning sign there's somebody who did something daft enough that they had to make a rule about it.
In this case, the 'no witchcraft' rule is because some of the people who worked there were 'sprinkling sugar around the club to ward off spirits'.
Far be it from me to correct someone on the finer points of the occult, but typically if you're going to pour out a white powder to keep away evil spirits, you're supposed to use salt.
It works on slugs, too.
Anyhow, pouring sugar all over the place must have been a nightmare for the cleaners who probably already have quite a tough task, so that's why witchcraft is banned.
Don't mess with the lights
Just because it's a brothel, it doesn't mean they don't need to follow some basic fire safety rules, and not fiddling with the fixtures and fittings in the rooms is one of them.
Catherine explained that 'one worker once managed to set the lamp on fire' as they were fiddling around with a light bulb in their room, and while it's a place for things to get hot and heavy, it's not the kind of locale you want to actually catch fire.
So yes, don't bring pets, dress appropriately, no witchcraft and don't burn the place down.
Those should be easy rules to follow, but any prolonged contact with the human race will remind you why they need saying.
Topics: Adult Industry, Sex and Relationships